So, on one of our last days in Pokhara for village ministry, we trekked 10 miles up to the top of a mountain to do some worship and prayer walking. (I’ve decided trekking just isn’t my thing) When I say I was struggling, I mean I was really struggling. My excuse is that south Mississippi doesn’t even have hills remotely close to these mountains. I also blamed the elevation. Sounds legit, right? haha It was right at noon, extremely hot, no wind at all, going straight up. I was only halfway up when I decided I was totally over it. I was so frustrated and fed up; I was DONE. I finally sat down for a few minutes to catch my breath and drink some water and then I got back up and kept going. Because the ground was so rocky and uneven, most of the hike I was looking down at the ground, focusing on taking one step at a time, making sure I didn’t trip over a rock. When I got back up to continue, I remember looking up and seeing a really steep hill I was about to have to go up and got even more discouraged and frustrated. My thoughts were, “This is so dumb. Why in the world do I need to hike up a mountain to worship and pray? We could easily sit at the base of the mountain on flat ground and do it.”
In this very moment, God interrupted MY thinking, (thanks God) and told me to stop focusing on the challenge I was about to face but to keep focusing on taking one step at a time. He assured me he would get me up that hill and all I needed to do was just trust him and have faith in that. I believe he was using that as a metaphor for me in my life also. He was telling me to not look ahead and worry about what challenge tomorrow might bring (because one of my greatest skills is worrying about the future) but to stay present and take it step by step trusting He’s going to carry me especially in those really difficult moments where I didn’t think I would be able to get any farther. I have to stop relying on my own strengths and weaknesses.
When we got to the “halfway” point, one of the girls on my team told us to pick up a rock without an explanation to why and then told us we were going to carry them to the top. So, we picked up our rocks and trudged on for another 30 min! We finally made it to the top, sat down to rest and then did some worship together. She asked us to spend a few min in prayer and to ask for God to give us one word He’s calling us to “pick up” (what picking the rock up was symbolizing) and grow in. Sometimes walking into something unfamiliar or new might be a struggle, scary, or even a burden at times if we don’t know HOW to do that and sometimes it’s easier to throw it down because it’s not familiar to us and we feel it’s just weighing us down (going back again to the rock I picked up) but that’s when we have to rely on God’s strength and purpose.
“Confidence”
>The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.<
This was the word God gave me that he wants me to pick up. It ties right in with what God was trying to tell me just minutes before when I was complaining and grumbling about climbing up another hill! Confidence is something I KNOW I lack in many areas of my life. It’s something I struggle with almost on the daily and have for years so yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable and scary and sometimes a burden and struggle for me to walk into that but I know that my God is a patient God. He is a sovereign God. He is a caring God and even though this will be something we’ll have to work at probably everyday until the day I’m face to face with him, I know that he is going to be tender with me and grow me in ways that works for me.
That view when we reached the top was unexplainable and well worth the effort it took getting to it. Just like when God gets us through difficult seasons of life; it allows us to reflect and see how much growth came from whatever he just walked us through.
Nepal was a good month but, it came with some struggles for me. Ministry was all over the place and looked so different than what I was expecting (I’m still learning to go in to each month with no expectations) and truthfully, there was a lot of times I felt that I wasn’t doing much but I know that nothing goes to waste and that everything from prayer walks to smiles directed towards strangers will be used in some way for the glorification of our Father. I have faith that seeds were planted and that’s all we’re called to do. The rest is up to God.
