I’m about to graduate college. I’m 20 years old, with a future degree in youth ministry and a very small bank account because of that future degree. I have no boyfriend or 5-year plan; I don’t even know what homework I have due tomorrow. The one plan I’ve made consists of me living in my car/tent this summer while working as a zipline guide in the mountains. Apparently I’m not too good at this “adult” life just yet.
So what am I doing here? Why am I, the girl with no plans, making a plan to raise $16,000 and fly to Asia for a year? Why am I willing to give up everything that I have here to live out my backpack, “waste” my college degree (as some may say), and probably cry every single day?
Not gonna lie, the living out of a backpack part sounds great. I got back in December from a 3-month backpacking/sailing/sea kayaking trip down the Sea of Cortez, so packing light and roughin’ it sounds like the best thing I could imagine. But the crying? The raising money, just to go and have my heart broken a million times? Why am I doing this?
I’m following. The Lord told me to go, so I will obey and follow Him wherever He leads me. But honestly, that conversation was so not how I expected it to go. Well actually, the conversation went something like this:
Leah: *reads friends’ blog about the World Race* “Oh, that sounds cool.”
God: “Yep. You should check it out.”
Leah: “Umm… it’s $16,000 and it’s 11 months.” *exits page*
God: “Hahaha yeah… that’s where I want you.”
Leah: “God, It’s $16,000 and it’s 11 months. Are you kidding?”
God: “Not kidding. Go.”
Leah: *sobs as she watches World Race videos on repeat for hours*
God: “And that’s why you need to go.”
That’s pretty much it. While I fought it, God reminded me that He has given me passions — a passion for new cultures, for serving, and for loving people (especially children). And through my sobbing at videos of beautiful people around the world dancing and crying and serving, God tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You need to go there. I gave you those passions for a reason. Serve me with them.” And I am learning that when God tells me to go somewhere, it’s definitely in my best interest to listen. I’m terrified. $16,000 is a lot of money. 11 months is a long time. Basically my emotions are on overload, and I imagine they will be for a long time.
So here’s where I’m at now:
Leah: *sobs as she applies* *sobs as she interviews* *sobs as she gets accepted*
I’m seriously such a girl. But let me tell you, I’m so excited for this. Because I’m learning that God knows exactly what He’s doing. He knows why I’m going. And He knows why all of this brings me to tears, even if I don’t have a clue.
So what am I doing here? Trusting. Following. Discovering what it means to truly live for Jesus and serve Him wherever He may lead.
