Doesn’t always work like I planned it
I’ve seen a lot of good things
And a lot of things
Have been out of my hands
I have been on the World Race for 261 days.
I have traveled to 10 different countries, with 3 more coming in the next 2 months.
I have spent over 1,500 hours doing all types of ministries – teaching English, playing with kids, leading Bible studies, going on prayer walks, painting, cleaning pig pens, leading worship, preaching, hosting game nights, and everything else under the sun.
I’ve slept in apartments, houses, churches, hostels, in a wooden room next to a fish pond, on buses, sleeper trains, airport floors, and more.
I’ve spent 24 hours a day with people, every day since September 5th, 2014. I count taking a shower as “alone time.”
It’s been 37 weeks since I’ve driven a car, gone anywhere by myself, or used solely US dollars to pay for something.
But even when I don’t understand it
We have all got choices to make
And this one is mine
I’m tired.
Exhausted, really.
Even now, here’s my heart, God
9 months is a long time, y’all. 11 months is even longer. And right now, living with 17 girls as a part of Team Wooly Mammoth (because Mongolia), I can feel every bit of 9 months catching up to me. I feel 9 months of language barriers and currency exchange rates, of “being intentional” and “choosing each other”, of praying constantly for healings, for financial provision, for relief of burdens. I can feel it all, the pressure adding up and weighing me down.
None of these things are bad things. But it’s the little things that get you, that take miniscule amounts of your energy with them until you’re drained, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I’m led to wonder
Are you working at all
The weight of 9 months feels like a ton of bricks has been dropped on me, and I’m in the middle of running a marathon.
But even in the darkness I’m listening
To your still small voice in the distance
I heed your call
I had a breakdown the other night. A dear friend sat next to me and held me while I cried – sobbed, really, because I missed my brother, and I missed my friends, and I could do nothing else. She listened as I listed reasons I had to go home right now, and asked me what reasons I had to stay. She asked me what I missed most and why. And once I told her all the things and cried all the tears, she made me laugh. She’s a really good friend.
I write all this not to say I’ve come out the other side and I’m well-rested and jumping up and down to finish the last 2 months of this journey. Believe me, I’m not jumping. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Instead, I write this to ask for prayer. For myself, for my (H) squad, and for I and J and K and L squads. We’re all in this month 9 mess together, and we’re all paddling like hell to keep our heads above the water. Pray for supernatural energy, and strength, and rest. We want to give this thing our all, not just for 9 months, but for 11. We want to be filled to be emptied and filled again, using not our power, but the power of the Spirit who has brought us here.
Even now, here’s my heart, God
I’m in Love
Pray for the sermons we will preach, the babies we will hold, the houses we will paint, the testimonies we will share during the next 2 months. Pray that God uses every last drop we have for His glory.
Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can’t live another day here without you
I’ve been crying a lot lately, as I’ve received some sweet unexpected messages from some even sweeter friends. One in response to a blog I wrote, moving me to tears as she encouraged the way I loved. Another in a random Facebook message, an old friend letting me know she’s praying for me. Their encouragement means more than they know. Your prayers, whether we know you’re praying them or not, mean more than you know. They encourage us to keep going, to remember that we’re not alone in this.
Month 9 is hard. But so is month 1, and month 6, and month 12. And there are a million things I could tell you about the challenges of living overseas and living in close community and doing ministry every day and all the things, but there are also a million examples I could give you of the faithfulness of God in every situation. I’m tired, but God is still good. God is always still good.
Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30]
Italicized lyrics from Even Now, by United Pursuit Band feat. Will Reagan
