I trust the Lord now, even when bad things happen. I know He’ll take care of me and that I don’t have to deal with the aftermath alone. He is bigger than the problem. Always.
Something bad happened the other day. I went back to my hostel after treasure hunting with my team. We had had a magnificent day aside from the fact that we had to share a room with strangers. I walked into the air conditioning, checked for my cell phone (found it), and checked for my debit card. My debit card was gone.
I know it was gone because I always put it in one very specific place on a travel day. I was freaking out. I was mad. I was worried.
Allison and Katrina sat with me and we started to pray when a guy in our hostel walked in and said that I had probably misplaced it. There are three problems here. One: I was pissed. Two: He was wrong. Three: I was about to take it to Jesus. And then another random guy walked in and said the same thing.
Idiots! I thought to myself! I put this card in one hidden and specific place.
Sadly, there’s more. We opened a locker I had put my passport in and realized my backup debit card had also been taken. How could the Lord let someone take both of my cards?! I believed that the Lord would take care of me, but I felt vulnerable and unprotected. I was in a mindset of not understanding. So I prayed.
That prayer was a little different from other prayers I’ve prayed. I asked God to make me look like an idiot. I asked Him to make me feel stupid for dismissing those men. I asked Him to bring back my cards.
Instantly, I had a vision of where my backup card was! I had hidden it in my main pack separate from my passport. The incredible part? At the same moment I pulled out that card, my teammate found my other card. God answered my prayers! I felt like a complete moron!
What’s crazier is that I did not put that second card in my purse (because it’s the most obvious place to get stolen). (I’m still checking my card to make sure it wasn’t taken from me at any point.) There was something I needed to learn from this, but I couldn’t discern what that could be.
As Allison, Katrina and I talked with each other and praised the Lord, Jesus told Katrina exactly what I needed to hear.
Jesus had revealed to her that it wasn’t about care, but it was about provision. She said I was not trusting the Lord with my fundraising and He was trying to tell me that I can trust Him.
I broke down crying. I admitted the doubt I had and how much I had been struggling that I didn’t let my team know about. I was finally able to be vulnerable with them, with myself, and with the Lord. I had so many fears. I was afraid that the Lord had brought me this far just to end it. I was afraid that the Lord gave me this passion just to take it away.
This is not how the Lord operates. He does not work in trickery or deception. He does not lie. He does not dangle something in front of you to take it away as you reach for it.
He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. He wants to share His heart with you. He wants to give you passions, to fulfill them, to live more. All He needs is a willing heart… oh, and a trusting one.
