This month is Ask the Lord month for me and my team. It is a completely different month from anything we have experienced or expected. We came to Nicaragua without contacts, without a ministry, without a place to go, and without plans. Our aim has been to do whatever and go wherever the Spirit leads.
He led us to San Juan Del Sur where He provided lodging, cheap and healthy food, great people, puppy dogs, and team time. However, this has not been an easy month for us. We are trying to get on the same page with each other and the Spirit simultaneously- which is quite the feat. It hasn’t always worked out, but at times it has been incredible.
At this point in my walk I’ve also had a difficult time with the Holy Spirit. How desperately I want to hear Him and know what He wants from me! But, I can’t hear Him or He doesn’t speak to me. It’s been quite the difficult time in this Ask the Lord month.
In addition to this struggle with the Spirit I started to question the Word as well. Over and over again in His Word it says that He takes care of His people. In Samuel, Kings, Chronicles, Isaiah, and the entire New Testament! I was having a difficult time- an almost impossible time- believing this as I thought about His people who are persecuted, hungry, homeless, hurt and abused. Eventually, I brought it to the Lord and I told Him how it all looked: that it looked nothing like His Word.
Later that week, Allison- my marathon running teammate- suggested we run on the beach every morning. She optimistically suggested we set a goal: by the end of the month we’ll run the entire length of the beach. I basically laughed at her.
So at 5:30 a.m. the next day we woke up, got dressed, and ran barefoot on the beach. It was so desolate on the beach with only the waves and the wind. After a stretch, Allison said we could break. I said I could run a little more. A little more turned into a lot more! We ran the entire length of the beach that morning!
We celebrated, stretched, did some yoga, and then decided to walk on the rocks. Mind you, we didn’t have shoes. It was so painful! I was thinking of how difficult it would be to get back and walk through the rocks again. But we ventured on…and on…and on, when suddenly I slipped and fell on the rocks. I fell directly on my tailbone, and I fell hard. Hard enough that as my hand slid down the rock with me half of my thumbnail became perpendicular to my finger.
Allison ran over, and I honestly don’t remember the chain of events. I told her to pray. I prayed. She said I should move out of the waves, but I couldn’t.
“Can you wiggle your toes?”
I looked at my feet and wiggled my toes.
There was so much relief in the air after that moment.
I told her to talk to me because there was nothing I could do but lay there. We didn’t have a cell phone, not as though there was even a route for help to get to us.
Eventually, I was able to move out of the waves, and then to another rock, and then to another until I was able to stand. I know without a doubt that it was only by the grace and mercy of the Lord that I was standing. As we started to walk we had to sit down again because I was crying. I was hurt and scared and overwhelmed because getting back would be impossible. Even if we made it passed the rocks, we’d have the entire length of the beach.
I’m pretty sure we had to stop three more times so I could cry. And then I decided to invite the Holy Spirit into my back and my pain and the terrible situation we were in. I took two more steps and noticed that I had no more pain. I yelled to Allison, stood there and cried. Before I knew it, we made it to the beach and then to the hostel without pain!
We got back, I took a shower, cried as I told my team, went through the day as always, and praised the Lord. I thought I’d have to stay in bed for days with pain meds! It was miraculous and I didn’t need to worry because… God took care of me. God told me that evening that being taken care of doesn’t means bad things don’t happen or that you don’t have to deal with life. It means that you’re taken care of when they do.
I doubted the Lord. I told Him about it because I know He’s bigger than my doubts. And in return, He showed me that no matter what happens, no matter what step you take or what rock takes you down, He will take care of you.
