April 21st,
Things of this
world…pass away. A weird lesson God taught me through having too much stuff in my backpack!
In regards to
the things of this world…I have learned so much about this the past few months on
the race. The need to have MORE-I have realized has only made me miserable on
the race and when I was back home.
At home you can buy new stuff and never
realize how much you really do have. But on the world race, when you have that lifestyle you have to CARRY that weight in your heavy backpack.
You literally feel the weight of every little thing you have been blessed with,
on your back. And it doesn’t always feel like a blessing…
- My backpack was
particularly heavy going into Hong Kong (with all of our winter clothes), and my team had to carry our packs a
really long ways walking to catch our train and go through borders. When you
walk with a 50 (plus) pound pack on your back it seriously hurts your back and
hips after a very short time. I basically walk like a penguin with it on! To sum it up… I
really thought I was going to be dead by the end of the day.
Well after a lot
of walking, and a not very happy Leah…we finally made it to the train station
where I proceeded to throw my pack on the floor in a huff. This did not go as
planned, instead of it landing on the floor it landed on my calf, sliding down
the rest of my leg until it hit the floor. Little did I know something with a
sharp end was in the bottom of my pack and it scraped down my leg, immediately
causing a giant bruise the size of a softball. I’m surprised I didn’t scream from pain, but I was too
upset to show any emotion and merely just looked at Alicia and told her what
happened. I pulled my jeans up to look at my leg. I was disgusted when I saw
what I had done to my leg from my carelessness and anger. My leg was in some
pretty serious pain, so I just sat down and pouted about my stupidity.
I lived with
that bruise for a month as a constant reminder of how much stuff I have and more important: the condition of my heart. I have told this story many times to friends lately
and I wondered what I’m supposed to learn from this if I keep telling it…really it’s not a
big deal, but God wanted to teach me a few weeks later through this silly story.
What I learned
from the bruise:
I have recently
come to the conclusion that I don’t want my life weighed down with too much
stuff. Lately I have too much crap in my life, physically and spiritually. I’ve
taken too much stuff on myself! I
could have completely avoided hurting myself with my pack if I had just asked
for help…but out of my anger and hurt I threw it down and wounded myself- and
that wound lasted a long time. If I had asked for help I probably would have
been a lot less bitter about that long walk, one of my friends could have
helped take the load off my back and we could have talked through it all.
***This is what I
should have been doing with a lot of spiritual and emotional stuff in my life.
I’ve been carrying a lot of crap with me the past few months of the race and
out of pride I thought I could handle it.
God said “here Leah, let me take all that stuff you are carrying, let me
take it off your back and we’ll sit and talk about it.” But instead of saying
okay, I said “it’s okay Lord, I’ve got this stuff…don’t worry about me, I can
do it myself.�
Well, I learned
the hard way that when you don’t do this, you and others involved wind up hurt. With wounds that will last a lot longer than they should if you had just
handled things with the Lord. If I had just given up that control that I so
enjoy holding onto, I wouldn’t be wounded right now with a bruise that will
last a while.
The beauty of
this is that when we are wounded from our pride and selfishness, God doesn’t
just leave us there. Even after I said no thanks dude, He is faithful. He picks us up in our wounded state and brokenness, He uses
that big bruise that hurts so bad to get our attention back to Him. He says
“snap out of it, stop with this idol worship of other things and Look to Me!�
When we go to
Him in our pain, we go humbly– it sometimes takes God breaking us at our knees
in order for us to fall down on our knees and worship Him. God broke me at the
knees, but only for me to fall gently into His arms that were waiting to catch
me.
The Lord brings
us through the fire so He can mold us and refine us in ways we couldn’t without
the heat. It’s hot and not very fun, but it’s just what we need. That’s what last month (China) and this month (Thailand) have been for me. A month of trying to do things on
my own; and now a month of God using things in my life to break me and refine
me.
I have never
felt so at Peace with the Lord, as I do right now. God woke me up the other
morning after a few sleepless nights and said very clearly: “ I UNDERSTAND.�
I didn’t know what this meant at the time when He said it, but I did a few
hours later when I heard some sad news. He was telling me even before my feet
hit the floor and the day started, that He understood how I was going to feel
that day. That He understands everything in my heart better than anyone that I
could talk to about things. He knows everything before it happens, He
orchestrates the details of our life!
I have never
quite grasped God’s love like this before! I may question situations and wonder
why things happen the way they do but He already knows, and when I don’t have
the answers- He does.
He Understand it
ALL!
This is so huge
to remember as we go through life. We don’t need to live our lives with any
fearworry, and if we do, we can go to Him because He sees our hearts. He’s
been here in our shoes. or
I so often
forget that my Savior has walked in my shoes and dealt with everything I have,
on the same earth I walk on. Yet he dealt with so much more and a lived a
sinless life.
If anyone “get’s
it�, He is clearly the one who does!
- What a sweet and
constant reminder to me, that I had to be broken to even remember. This is one
of those lessons that I don’t want to be taught again. I’m keeping it close to
my heart and DAILY running to the Lord for my strength and Peace. He is the
Peace that passes ALL Understanding!
I can plan
things out all day in my head and heart but if those things don’t aline with
His heart then it will be very clear. I’m done planning my steps! I’m a little
lost as to what I’m supposed to do when I get home, but it’s a great thing to
have a Father that gives direction when we are following after Him and seeking
His face.(see next blog on what God showed me right after I wrote this blog)
If I seek Him,
He will lead me to exactly the place I’m supposed to be and I will be at peace
there. I don’t need the things of this world, the wealth and happiness from the
worlds perspective is not what I am seeking after. I don’t want to carry that
on my back and be weighed down by it any longer. Do you?
