This past week,
our last week in Thailand, I have been thinking about so many things from the
past months of the race. We have one month of the race left and I have had so
many questions running through my mind…
“Have I done enough?�, “What is God
calling me to after this?�, “If I had worked in different ministries, where
would my heart be right now?�…and the biggest one, “What has God broken my
heart for this year?�
- I thought and
thought about it and I tried to wrap my mind around these questions I was asking
myself. I tried to answer them and came up with answers like: “no, you haven’t
done enough, you don’t know what God wants you to after this, you missed your
calling.� My heart was sad as I tried to answer these questions in my own
futile thinking, not asking the Lord what He had to say about these questions I
was asking. After talking to some of the girls and feeling pretty broken, I
finally decided to turn these questions and answers around to the only One who
can truthfully respond to these thoughts. He has the truth and He knows my heart.
God told me “Well
done, Leah…it’s not about you ‘doing’ enough this year. You were obedient to my
calling on your life and I will teach you through your experiences this entire
year; every hurting child you’ve seen, every woman you’ve cried and prayed
with, every sight that has broken your heart and drawn you into My arms, and
every word you’ve spoken in My name is used for My Glory.�
I desperately
needed that and God needed me to understand that about the World Race. I’ve
gone through many months feeling like my gifts and talents, even passions were
not being used in the best way that I thought they could be used. But God
smacked me in the face with the truth that He has brought me to each place that
I have been in for a specific reason, whether it be for people on my team to
learn and grow, for that one special person I got to love like Jesus that
month, or just to smile at the woman in the little shack as we walked by
everyday and hold her baby for 5 minutes so she got a little break.
God is
revealing to me all the seemingly little things that He cares so much about and
that I might not see from my limited human perspective. I am asking for HIS
eyes in this, to get a little glimpse of how He worked everyday this year and
He’s revealing a lot to me.
I’m at the point
right now where God is telling me that any experience I have had this year has
not been in vain. He wanted me to see the things I’ve seen this year and learn
from them all. To be broken and wrecked for the ordinary as I go home. He has
not called me to live a life that is normal, at least compared the worlds
standards…and especially Americas. I have recently been thinking a lot about
home and the comforts there that I haven’t really even missed this year (except
delicious chips and salsa!). And for some reason just this week I have been
really excited to get back to those things. While thinking about them and
missing them it has made me sad and kind of miserable. I think this is me truly
realizing that none of that stuff, comforts of home, fun things I like to do
and yummy food that I have missed; none of those things compare to pursuing the
passions and new directions that God has been calling me into while on the
World Race. I can’t go home and truly be happy with my old life: living
comfortably, thinking about myself and my needs when I know what I have seen
this year and I know what God wants me to do.
Ever since the
Philippines and the months leading up to Asia, God has specifically placed
human trafficking on my heart. I have learned so much more about this and seen
the need for hearts to break for these women that are sold, forced, and tricked
into the sex trade industry. 27 million people are held in slavery through human trafficking and exploitation around the world. One million children are exploited in the sex trade.
In Moldova one of our teams visited a ministry
called Stellas house that helps these women get back their lives out of prostitution and live on to
have healthy futures. In Moldova and Russia when they kick these children out
of orphanages at 14 or 15 they often call people involved in the sex trade to
tell them where they have dropped off these girls, so that they can sell them.
Or else if they do happen to not get picked up, these kids have no skills to
survive or education to get jobs…orphans are seen as scum and they have no options to survice…
so they either get tricked into prostitution or have no other choice. It’s
happening all over the world and my heart breaks for these children, these
women that have no hope because no one knows who they are, or cares to rescue
them from this literal Hell they are in.
God has given us
hands and feet to bring His Kingdom to this Earth. If God has put something on
my heart, how can I sit back and know that every minute around the world women
are being treated as scum and have no hope? My heart is in pieces for these
women and children. As I was reading a book about this recently, I just
pictured myself as a parent of one of these girls and I lost it… I think about
any of these girls as my sister and it makes me want to throw up to imagine her
treated like that. I think of my innocent sweet self at 14 years old and can’t
even begin to fathom what living like that would be like. It squeezes my heart
so much I feel like it could pop!
And that’s where
it begins…my heart is squeezed and I am really asking God what this calling
looks like in my life right now.
…Do I move
overseas, do I get involved with this at home, what’s next? So many questions
that were brought on from the first questions I was asking myself and the Lord
earlier.
But right now I am in a time of waiting…actually one of my
favorite-yet most difficult, places to be. This a time where I can either
choose to rest in My God who has great plans and be patient, or stress and try
to plan it out myself and have it epically fail. I of course am trying to
choose the first option everyday I wake up- to rest in Him and take things one
day at a time right now. He revealed all of this to me today when I was least
expecting to hear from Him on this subject! I know for this reason and so many
others, that it’s best to wait patiently and seek Him during this time.
Yes, I do have a
burden on my heart for human trafficking…helping to set these girls free from
the bondage they are in and helping them find restoration and redemption in
Christ. But I don’t know if God is calling me into that now, or in the future.
Everyday is His and in His hands. He will lead me in this- I am so thankful to
have learned this lesson at this time in my life!
- I want to
encourage you that if God is placing a burden on your heart, big or small, He
wants you to examine that and pray about whatever that is. Nothing is too big
or small for the Lord. I couldn’t get rid of this squeezing on my heart until I
signed up for the race, He put this strong weight on me until I finally sent in
my application and then it eased up, because I was obedient to Him. And now
here I am learning the same things a year later in a whole different way. I don’t know if I will be able to go
home and get rid of this new squeezing on my heart, nothing of this world can
ease that feeling. Once you are called to something, God is persistent in His
efforts to lead us into that calling. Only by taking His hand can we go where
He is directing us. You might be scared of what He is calling you to do…my
advice: DON’T BE. His ways may seem scary at first, but it’s a whole lot
scarier to be on your own in this world rather than dancing through life with
Him leading you. At the same time, I am super scared right now thinking about
where God may lead me or not lead me. I’m scared it won’t be the life I
imagined for myself. Again God tells me: “Do not fear for I am with you, do not
be dismayed for I am your God.”
Whatever you are
going through, be thankful that God cares so much about you and gives you an
open invitation to talk to Him about it at all times. He wants you to lay it at
His feet and He will take care of it. Don’t worry so much about plans, it’s
nothing for our little minds to stress over. We may not get what He’s doing
right now but He wants it that way. If we knew everything, life would be SO
boring. Listen to the promises God has for you and abide in Him.
***It would be
awesome if you could let me know of the Human trafficking organizations you
know about, friends you have helping in this or if you have a burden for this
as well. I love hearing about other peoples passions and callings from the
Lord. He is weaving one amazing tapestry in everyone’s lives and it’s awesome
to share those things with one another. Be encouraged and seek Him!
Love you all!
Leah
