Moving from Nepal to China
felt alot like someone came in and woke me up
right at the climax of a really great dream
and then threw me head first into the front row seat
of a wild roller coaster ride.
Ministry last month in Nepal was full
of all the things I was made for.
I started relationships with some beautiful women,
the house was constantly brewing with
laughter and heart conversations,
and I even got to play soccer with the kids!
Nepal was the perfect mix of sunshine, mountains, and hippies.
So many times recently all I’ve wanted to do is
go back to sleep so I can close my eyes
and pick up right where I left off in dreamland.
I came alive in that place…
But China is so different.
We're serving in a special needs orphanage here in the city
and honestly every day feels farther and farther
away from my comfort zone.
There are kids here with
10 fingers, 12 fingers, 3 fingers and no fingers.
Kids with autism and down syndrome,
cerebral palsy and spinal bifida.
Some are deaf and some are blind, a few are both.
There are kids who are totally healthy mentally
but can’t physically do anything for themselves,
and kids who are physically capable of everything
but mentally something is wrong.
They scream, drool, spit, bite, punch and claw
but they also laugh and hug and joke and snuggle.
No matter the disability every kid here
really is SO special and deserving of love.
And I desperately want to love them well.
I want to hug them tight against my chest
even if it means getting totally covered in sticky drool.
I want to help hold the CP boys up to go to the bathroom
even when it smells bad.
I want to change the grown girls diapers with a smile
and spoon feed them their meals
and sing to the autistic boy to help him stop rocking,
because that’s exactly what Jesus what do.
But I’m really not gifted at any of those things.
I have never changed a diaper in my life.
I don’t have the magic touch that makes kids stop crying,
they usually just start crying more when I try to hold them.
And sometimes I can barely manage
to get myself to the bathroom successfully,
much less a kid that is almost the same size as I am!
But, like most of the hard things in life,
I'm learning a beautiful lesson-
“The feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving”.
I might be completely 100% outside of my comfort zone
but at the end of every day I am SO in love with these kids.
Being the literal hands and feet of Jesus to them
really does bring me so much joy.
At the baby house I gently rub the back
of one of the boys who is both deaf and blind.
Anytime someone touches him
he get startled and scared.
As I hold him and think about how that must feel,
I thank God for my ears that hear and eyes that see.
And then I make a mental note to never complain
about wearing contacts again…
As I take one of my favorite girls out for a walk in her wheelchair
I quietly thank God for my legs.
I can walk without anyone helping me
I can go for a run and dance
I can play soccer and climb the 10 flights of stairs to our house.
I can go wherever I want whenever I want to…
I sit down beside one of the boys
and start to build a lego tower with him.
I just have to smile and nod as his mouth tries so hard
to form the words to talk to me,
but all that comes out are these monotone groans.
I so badly wish I could know what he’s trying to tell me.
Instead I just thank God for giving me the gift of speech.
I can talk and sing and yell.
I can get all the craziness in my head out
with little to no effort at all…
Grabbing a spoon, I scoop some mashed lunch from the bowl
and slowly maneuver it into her tiny mouth.
As I watch her fighting to keep it all in long enough to swallow,
I thank God for my mouth and for muscles that work.
I can eat whatever food I want
without having to blend it together into mush.
Thank you God for such a blessing…
Riding the bus on our way into the city,
I make sure to sit extra close to one of the girls
who is so excited we’re going to McDonalds
that she is screaming loudly about once every minute.
I want her to know I’m not embarrassed to be with her.
I try to play silly games to distract her
from all the people who are staring at us
as I quietly thank God for my brain
and all the synapses and small things that go on up there
that I don’t even know anything about…
Smiling I watch the precious girl with no fingers
skillfully pick up a flower and rub every inch of it against her face.
I thank God for my fingers that let me hold things
and toes that keep me balanced.
Things I so easily take for granted…
Sitting on the toilet I’m thankful that no one has to hold me on
and that I clean myself up afterwards no problem…
Stripping off my clothes and stepping into the shower,
I whisper a thank you to God for the priveledge of bathing myself…
Getting dressed I push my arm into my shirt a little slower,
pausing in thankfulness for the way I can dress myself so easily…
There's constantly something to remind me…
I’m loved by a family.
I have a mom who didn’t abort me.
and chose to keep me as her own
even though I wasn’t perfect.
I live in a society that values me as a person.
I am healthy, independent, and loved.
I have never been more aware…
we are SO incredibly blessed.
