I can't think of any better way to explain how I'm feeling about everything than with this picture! It perfectly portrays exactly where I'm at right now. Haha you don't understand? Let me explain…
Every time I look at this picture I can't help thinking to myself, wow I look so hardcore! Don't laugh! It's true. This weekend when I was in Tyler a few friends and I went out to the shooting range to shoot guns. One thing on my (constantly growing) bucket list has been to shoot a gun. Needless to say, I was SO excited that we were going! When we got there I had a quick run down about the parts of a gun and how to shoot it. Then I listened carefully as my friend started telling me all the rules. Example- when there is someone out on the range, nobody but the gun owners can be holding the gun, and most importantly keep the gun pointed down and keep your finger off the trigger until you're about to shoot (something I struggled to remember)
The more I listened to the rules and heard the intense BANG! of the big guns on the range behind us, the less excited I was and the more nervous and shaky I started to feel. As I walked out onto the grass towards my target I still felt a little nervous but mostly determined, focused, and empowered.
Then he put the gun in my hands and suddenly I felt myself losing control. I thought I was going to LOVE the thrill of holding a gun and shooting it! But there I stood, knees bent shoulders forward, gun in my shaking hands. And suddenly I was doubting if this was something I REALLY wanted to do. And what you can't see in the picture are the tears that I was (embarrasingly) crying underneath those sunglasses! But I did actually shoot the gun a few times and even hit the target paper! I'm proud of that and so glad that I got the opportunity to go out and shoot with my friends! It is officially marked off my bucket list! But in case you're wondering, that isn't something that this not so tough girl will ever be repeating again.
The more I thought about my little breakdown at the shooting range and went back through the pictures we took and saw this one, the more I realized how similar it was to the way I'm feeling about this trip. I think that on the outside I look just like the me you see up there in the picture. The same feelings of determination, focus, and empowerment that I experienced as I walked up to my target at the shooting range are the exact emotions I feel pretty much on a daily basis right now about leaving in January.
But recently while I've been praying and preparing for this trip it's felt a lot more like I'm actually holding the gun in my hand now. What I mean by that is the reality of this trip has really set in. Some days it feels like January is next week and other days January feels forever away. I've started cherishing my warm showers and big breakfasts and especially my alone time. I treasure my time with my friends and family because all of the sudden a year apart from them feels like eternity. I'm nervous. I'm shaking. And some days I don't want to go.
I may be weak, Your Spirit is strong in me
My flesh may fail, but my God He never will
I'm SO thankful that in those small moments of fear and doubt that He is strong for me. I'm so thankful that for every "breakdown moment" there is, I have 100 more moments of excitement and joy for what is to come. I can't wait to be His hands and feet. I can't wait to hug the orphans and share God's love with them. I can't wait to feed the hungry, spiritually and physically. I absolutely cant wait to look into the eyes of the girls working at the bars in Asia and tell them of a love they can find hope in. I am sure and confident of what God has called me into. And I am so excited!
Thank you so much for supporting me in this journey! I have been blessed with so many selfless and encouraging people around me right now. It is so humbling, in a way that's been really hard for me, to accept all the blessings coming my way. Lately I've been receiving so many compliments because of what I'm about to do. I know…rough life right? But honestly, its hard because I can name countless people who are living their lives wholeheartedly serving God every day. Seriously-I am nothing special. Now more than ever, I admire and look up to so much the teachers and coaches and business owners, etc that are serving God here every day. I really hope that you can be just as supportive and grateful and encouraging of those people as you are of me!
We all have the same purpose
Sharing God's love
Bringing Him glory
I have been given the AMAZING opportunity to go out to the nations, so I'm going!
That's my calling right now.
Where's yours?
PS- I am making progress raising my support but I still have a long way to go! If you are interested and feel led to support me financially there is a link on the side of my blog. You can just click on that and you're good to go! If you're interested in learning more about the other ways you can support me please just ask me! I'd LOVE to share my heart with you and I'd be so blessed to have you be a part of my journey 🙂
