I wish I could say that I'm one of those people that has always had a heart for the nations. I wish I could say that my heart was always broken at the thought of people not knowing about God's love for them. I wish that I could sit here and tell you that I'm constantly losing sleep because my friends or someone in my family doesn't know the Lord. Truth is…for the majority of my life I didn't care about anyone but myself. It never bothered me that there are entire villages and people groups that have never heard of Jesus. And I've cried more over bad test grades or a breakup than I have over the fact that people I know and love don't believe in God. So I'm sure you're thinking…um Leah…do you know what you're signed up for? Do you know what you're about to step into?
YES.
Let me share how God used a short conversation to break my heart…
It's the fall semester 2010 and my roommate Sarah and I just got home from bible study on a Tuesday night. That night at bible study we studied a passage in Ephesians about this life not really being about us…and how one day as believers, we'll all be together with the Lord. When we got back to the apartment that night, I sat on the floor stretching and Sarah sat down on the couch and started to cry. Needless to say, I was confused. Where are the tears coming from?! We're going to heaven!! I asked her what was wrong and this was her response- I can't get their faces out of my head. So I ask the next obvious question…whose faces Sarah? I'm confused…"the faces of all my friends around the world that, as far as I know right now, are going to hell."
Let me back up and tell you who she's talking about…she had just gotten back from a summer in Indonesia and some time in Serbia and Colombia. Those were the faces she saw. People she hasn't been with in months…had only spent a little time with…people she'd maybe only met a few times. Sarah is literally sobbing on the couch begging God to open up these people's hearts. Pleading for understanding and acceptance of the Gospel. And for the chains that bind them to be loosed.Her heart is literally breaking for these people in that moment, and what am I feeling? …nothing. I felt nothing. I tried to think of a time when I had ever cared that much about another person and couldn't think of one. I didn't feel what she was feeling and that bothered me. So naturally…I changed the subject 🙂
But that night convicted me and shook me up. I laid in bed begging God to open my eyes to His heart for the nations and for all people to know Him. What is my place in that? Why am I being so selfish?! I mean…I've gone on mission trips, I've loved on people, I've shared the gospel with them. But I'm sad to say that before that night, I can't remember ever shedding a tear over someone's salvation. I'm SO glad that the Lord never leaves us where we are…that we are always being broken, stretched, and molded by Him.
Soon after that night, I got the phone call asking if I wanted to be a part of a team heading to China over Christmas. Um..YES I do! If you know me then you know that chinese people have my heart. There's a special place inside of me that just lights up when I'm around them. But I went into that trip with new eyes and a new heart. I went in asking God to burden me for the lost people in China. I should've known what a big prayer I was praying! It was that month in China that I really got it. I finally understood what Sarah was feeling for her friends that didn't believe. I felt the awful, indescribable ache in my stomach my last day in China after walking away from a conversation with someone so special to me, but so far from the Lord. This person is AMAZING! Lord, how can he not believe in You?!
I came home after that trip changed. I met christians there that were sacrificing EVERYTHING to follow God. I heard testimonies of the Holy Spirit doing unbelievable things in their lives because of their faith! I saw people totally satisfied yet living with almost nothing. On the other hand, I rode the bus around every day with people who were completely lost and empty…you can see it in their eyes. I had long conversations with my friends there who would listen to me talk about Jesus all day long but in the end always had the same response- "Leah, that's works for you but this is for me..." 🙁
I could go on forever. I guess I would just challenge you to ask God to open up your eyes to a bigger picture. He will…thats for sure. He talks over and over in scripture about the least of these and about His heart for the nations, His people. I'm only a year into this awakening in my own life. I've only recently stopped skipping over the parts of the Bible that talk about people being forever separated from God. Instead I take it as a chance to pray for more to know Him….more people to go and share…and more people to send them. It's time to for me to take God's command in Matthew 28 seriously.
So here I go! See you soon world 🙂
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. -Matthew 28:19-20
"You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."
-1 Peter 2:9
