Nothing to Offer

Pastor Armando, a local pastor we are working with here in Honduras, took my team and another team to the dump today. I had no idea what I was in for, I thought I knew what to expect since I’d been to a dump ministry before, but I was definitely sideswiped by what I encountered today. 

We pulled up into the dump and were immediately surrounded by men, women and kids wearing dirty tattered, foul smelling clothes, and faces covered by handkerchiefs, pieces of cloth or anything else that would protect their mouths and noses. Honestly the first thing I thought was “if they are wearing something over their mouths, shouldn’t we as well?” As we stepped out of the van, stunned and disoriented, people started coming up to us waiting for us to offer something. I was truly at a loss for words and felt as if I had stepped onto the moon. It might as well been the moon. By the grace of God I snapped out of it and was able to talk and pray with a few people. Then I met her. 

Her name is Johanna. Her story and her face will probably haunt me for a long time, or for as long as God wants me to pray for her and her family. She actually was one of the first people I met and then I kept bumping into her over and over again. We had some initial conversation, the usual, and I learned that she believed in God and owned a bible but wanted nothing to do with a relationship with him. In disbelief I told her that it didn’t make sense to me that she could believe in God but not want a relationship, so I asked if I could pray for her. So I asked that the Holy Spirit would put a desire in her for Jesus, that she would trust him with her life and that he would become the Lord of her life. Amen. Then she told me her heart breaking story.

Johanna is 17 years old and 12 months ago she married, 12 months ago she wasn’t working in the dump trying to survive. 2 months ago her husband was murdered, she doesn’t know why he was murdered or who murdered him, she told me this all with blank eyes. They were only married 10 months. 10 months! I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Then for some reason I asked if she had any children, expecting her to say no since they were only married 10 months, and then Johanna tells me she’s pregnant. I try to wipe the shocked expression off my face when I ask if I can pray for her unborn child, and she says yes but only if I pray in english because she doesn’t want anyone to know. I scream inside my being for her, for all that she has gone through and will yet have to go through. She clearly has no one to help her, and is afraid of people knowing she is about to have a child. In my flesh I wonder to myself what do I have to offer this woman? I only have a few more moments with her and then I will leave and never see her again. I want to cry, I want to scream. Then God speaks. “You have nothing to offer her, but I do. All I ask is that you love her and speak life and truth into her. It’s my business what happens next it’s not your burden. Just be obedient in this moment and Love her.” So I pray, I speak over her the love of her Heavenly Father the best I can do in my humble spanish and then I hold her, and tell her that I will never forget her, and she looks at me and tells me that she will never forget me. I hug her once more as my team tells me its time to load up and as I release her from my arms I wish that I had held her the whole time I was with her. I can tell its been a long time since someone has held her.

As we drove away I was completely broken and astonished, I couldn’t believe that she never walked away from me the whole time I talked to her, I mean I had NOTHING to offer her, but I believe in my heart she knew that Jesus had something to offer her today and I just happened to be the vessel he used to pour it out onto her. She didn’t surrender her life to Jesus today but I believe the day is coming soon for her, and that the Holy Spirit is stirring inside her and I know that I will be in prayer for that girl every day until God releases me. 

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

The dump

The dump