Dear Leah,
Today is December 16 2011, a year from where you are today. I’m writing to you because I suspect you need a little encouragement and a reminder of where you were a year ago and what you were thinking and hoping on the cusp of a year of adventure with the Father. Remember the feeling of anticipation as you prepared to leave and pack your whole life in one bag? It was a daunting task getting things sorted out before leaving, but they did get sorted out (or I assume they did), and a year later I’m sure you don’t remember the worries of pre-launch. I wonder as I sit here writing to you in the future what your worries are now, I hope they are few and I hope your joy is great.
I wonder what you are thinking about, maybe it’s that time in Cambodia when you held that child, or maybe it’s that time in Honduras when you laughed all day in that Lady’s kitchen. Maybe you are thinking about those people you prayed with in Uganda, or the songs you sang into the night in India. I can’t imagine what you have seen and what you have experienced this past year, but I know that you are joyful for the journey.
Do you remember how the unknown used to terrify you and excite you? I hope it excites you now more than it terrifies you. I hope that this year has grown a deeper trust with the Father and you have found a greater freedom in that reliance. Don’t worry so much about “what now” and focus on what the Father is already doing. You have a problem with that, don’t get stuck in the trap of feeling like you need to know the next all the time. Don’t let the control freak come back. God’s got this, EBT (expect big things) Leah, because they ARE gonna happen.
Remember who you are and remember what the Lord has spoken into your life this past year. Don’t let lies steal what God has promised you. Sometimes you are strong and you don’t let the lies overwhelm you, but sometimes you let them linger. Don’t let them linger, and certainly don’t let them take root, they will disorient you and take you off track. Instead take them captive and speak truth over them, or if you can’t ask someone to do it for you. It’s ok to admit you don’t have it all together and it’s ok to ask someone for help. No one expects you to be perfect and those that do are not living in reality and you can ignore their opinion (AKA don’t let it bother you, I know you and how you let things like that get to you. Let it go). On that note, I actually hope that others’ opinions mean very little to you, meaning that your “people pleasing/fear of man days” are over. I hope you strive towards one opinion and that is the opinion of a Father who is desperately in love with his daughter.
I hope you came home a few pounds heavier, no not because of weight gain, but because your heart has grown to gargantuan size. I hope there is little room for much else but your enormous heart. I hope this year was a good lesson in loving, and that it has become more central than ever in your life and daily interactions. I also hope the weight gain is not because you have taken on the burdens of this world, but rather because your heart is a clearer reflection of the Father’s than it was before. It isn’t your job to carry the burdens of those that you came across this year, it is your job to help with those burdens in the moment, to share in them, your job was to love them. But God ultimately wants to lift those burdens from those that you loved and does not desire that you put them on. I hope and pray that you are able to look back on those people that had heavy burdens and see how the Lord has lifted their burden even just a little through the love you gave through the strength of Jesus. Remember them and pray for them, ask God for freedom, but don’t be tempted to be overwhelmed by the weight of it all. It isn’t your job to shoulder it, it’s God’s.
Don’t forget this past year, but don’t live in last year either. Take the lessons you learned and grow them, foster them, practice them, but don’t mourn for the times you had on the World Race. I’m sure they were good times and good memories, and it’s ok to think about those memories, to smile as you remember and to be nostalgic as long as you are fully in today. Reintegrate, and be purposeful about it. Don’t let the enemy use what God has purposed for good and for his glory to sideline you for months. Re-acclimate and find community and purpose right where you are and strive to stay in the presence of the Lord and make not your circumstances your contentment but the Lord your contentment. You’ve done a great job of this up until this time, but transition off the “mission field” is always a tough one for you so don’t loose sight of the gaze of Jesus, that is what will see you through and that is what will prevent you from taking steps back and loosing ground. Trust God. He’s got this.
Lord I pray that this year would be dedicated wholly to you and your purposes. I pray for close intimate times with you that this trip would help me into a deeper place with you. I pray that I would be used to bring your glory in a world that needs an encounter with the Love of the Father. I thank you in advance for those things and I ask that you would be with me when I return and give me courage and strength to re-enter well and to not forget the things I’ve learned on this trip but that I would be able to transfer those lessons over into whatever role you have for me after this trip. I pray for success after this trip in the next season and I pray for contentment in you from now into eternity. Thank you Jesus. You are worthy.
Love you always,
Leah
