When I was a little girl I wouldn't have agreed that I had a problem with the idea of "patience." Yet, today I can still hear my father's voice as if I was standing in line at the grocery store, "Remember the word? It starts with a P- Yes, patience!" I rolled my eyes every time. I was very good at rolling my eyes.
Now years later, I sit on my comfy red couch and struggle to remember the wisdom of patience my father attempted to teach me. Meanwhile I read blog posts by world racers, longing to join them. I have 11 months until launch. That's nearly a year! For me, the countdown began about two minutes after I typed the World Race website into my laptop way back in June. I knew that very hour I was going.
It's funny to think I spent so much time trying to figure out what God's will for my life was, and when He gives me an answer-it's not enough. I want Him to speed up time. Leave a perfectly stocked backpack on my doorstep. Tell me what comes the year after the race. If I'm honest, it comes down to is this; Who knows what's best for me? Me or God? Am I willing to give up control?
"Forgotten God," by Francis Chan (If you haven't read it, read it NOW! It's short, you can handle it.), speaks straight into my heart on the issue of waiting for God's will:
"I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions."
Do you feel called out? Convicted? I do.
You know that quiet whisper that seems to answer your questions with the truth that you don't always want to hear? The Spirit. Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." I don't have 11 months time to kill, I have 11 months' worth of days to learn how to seek God's will moment by moment. That's a lesson that will carry far beyond the World Race.
Just as purposefully as God has signed me up for the World Race, He has also given me this job, these roommates, my family and my friends- right NOW.
So I think, ok, what is God doing right now?
I can see the promise of getting to know my new college aged co-workers and inviting them to CRU (a college ministry I go to). I won't have this job or be surrounded by these people again. It's a one-time opportunity, and sharing the gospel here is just as important as where I'm about to go. Lost is the same in every language.
I'm learning to value the lessons God is teaching me as He works in my family relationships. He is teaching me what it truly means to love. When it's hard, undeserved, painful. He is teaching me the way He loved me.
I am soaking up the blessing of living in a community of believers, while facing so much opportunity for growth. Living with these girls I know is teaching me what I didn't know about myself.
Not knowing exactly what God is doing, or will do comes down to trust. Right now I'm living in a season where God is giving me lots of practice learning to live by leaning on Him and not my own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
