Hello!
If you didn’t already know it, May 29th marked the one year anniversary of returning to the states after the race. It was also my 23rd birthday. Hence the title of this blog. 🙂
I realized today that the best way to speak encouraging truth to yourself can sometimes be to speak it to others. For me writing something makes it more real.
Two weeks ago I had two jobs I loved, a deposit down on an apartment of my own and was investing in getting to know my new small group at church. Then I sat down with Jesus and got real with Him too. I had spent the past year really struggling with the loss of my world race community. I mean, it was like someone in my life had died. That left a lot of fear about what God would do or let me feel if I completely surrendered to Him. But Jesus is relentless and will pursue you until He has all of you. Again and again. So here I was back to where I desired to be with Jesus, filled with joy and excited about the future.
Then is was Tuesday.
On Tuesday I got fired.
Sure I had made some mistakes like forgetting the details to rules at the rec. center (what does paying for the rock wall include?) or wearing the wrong shoes (sneakers-not closed toe!) but in all my days there I honestly tried to do my best, love my co-workers and keep learning. My boss basically said she wanted to hire someone who had different strengths, that I wasn’t turning out to be what she needed after 9 months. (That’s a whole baby!)
This job was a blessing. Zero drama. Great co-workers. Variety. Working with kids. Arts. A little bit of everything. It was really tough to walk away from, but when I did I realized how clear the hand of God was in all of it. In the four days leading up to Tuesday many significant things happened. The apartment deposit I put down, dropping an EMT class to afford the apartment-doors just slammed shut. Then I looked again and saw doors that were also opened. I had said myself that I had no intention of leaving this job. Period. I would keep it as long as I could. I also passed on serving in children’s ministries during the summer because I would be very busy with the EMT class. Then the night before Tuesday I told my small group I would love to help in the 20 something ministry if only I didn’t have to work on Tuesday nights.
Poof! I was free to pursue each of those things.
I’ve spent the past two weeks walking through these open doors and others that have been on my heart along with continuing to nanny a beautiful 3 year old boy who teaches me something new every day. I’m blessed. I get to use my gifts and follow my passions and…live with my parents? (Insert scratchy record sound)
That’s the other thing.
I’m still back with my parents after getting voted out by my roommates for my Christian lifestyle. It’s been tough for me in many ways living with my family, and most of them would be justifiable reasons for feeling frustrated or even giving up. But as much as I don’t like to admit it, God did that on purpose too. He constantly puts me in situations where He can work on my character here. I mean, He is giving me the opportunity to learn some lessons REALLY well. Some days I’m frustrated and just want to move on, but I should be thankful I have a God who cares more about my character than my comfort.
“So…what are you going to do?” People keep asking me now.
There are SO many things I could do. Lot’s of “right” answers and “good” things. But can I digress for a moment?
There’s a lot of pressure for young women today to become independent and self-sufficient, so pursue careers and be all we can be. But what about GODependent? And His-strength-is-sufficient for me?
I don’t want to just take the American dream and squirt some Jesus on it. And I don’t feel the need to compete with men either. What if my dream is to be a wife and a mother? Is that not enough anymore?
But I’m single, so that’s obviously not something I can pursue right now. Or is it? I’m investing in children at work and church. I’m working on becoming the kind of person I would want to marry. And most of all I’m seeking out ways to use my passions and gifts for the kingdom, because single or not that’s what I’m supposed to do.
So no, I haven’t started looking for another job yet. I know that doesn’t look good on paper. But what is paper? It gets wrinkly in the rain. It’s just paper. I have some stuff I’m working out with God right now. If I can’t trust His perfect timing, and focus on His love above my fears, then no job is going to do me any good. I truly believe that. God is my everything.
“God can be your rudder, but a rudder can’t steer a ship that isn’t moving.”-someone who told my dad this
…My Dad joined the Navy after he was given this advice…
I will move. I AM moving. I’m just focusing more on what I AM doing rather than what I’m GOING to do. We aren’t promised tomorrow. You could get fired today. Trust me, I know. I think we spend way too much time telling people what we are going to do and not enough time thinking about what we ARE doing. I’m making to most of each day, investing my time wisely. I just read today a quote that said age isn’t how many years you have been alive, it’s how you’ve used your years. I truly believe that.
I don’t want to miss out on joy, or service or wisdom because I’m chasing the world. This world will pass away in a blink, but God is our hope-He lasts, and He is real. As I was reminded by a friend, I am a daughter of the KING. And as another wise person told me (okay, it was a blog) if you are running toward Jesus you are always running in the right direction.
“Seek first the kingdom and all these things will be given to you.”
So keep running. Run the race, and run it well. But don’t take your eyes off Jesus, or you won’t make it to the finish line no matter how far you go. And remember that your brothers and sisters are running alongside you.
<3
