I had a moment today where I felt like one of those humanitarians that you only read about in magazines. The one sitting on a bed, with a translator beside them and an elderly person sitting the bed next to. Sometimes they are sitting up talking other times the elderly is laying down and talking. Usually they are holding hands and the humanitarian is leaning in close trying to listen and understand. Then you take a few minutes to read the story in the magazine. It is a story about how the elderly was greatly affected by some life event, the kind of story that gets people fired up to do something about it.
The lady that I started talking to had gone through the war, she is older now, she is hard of hearing and cannot see well. Her digestive system doesn’t function and she eats porraige every day. Her name is Ling, she is from somewhere in northern Vietnam. She had a family, sons and parents. All of which slowly died because of the war. She has no real family left, and does not feel like there is anything left to live for, over and over again she said she just wanted to go, to be done with this place.
What do you do with that? All that I could think of was an older women I know from back home, her name is Marilyn. She has been through so much, many of the friends she had have now past, her body does not function well much like Lings. She somehow took a liking to me, and I really regret not going to see her before I left. But on this day I could not stop thinking of the similarities between the two. I kept asking God, what should I be telling her? How do I make this better?
After much searching and praying I realized there is nothing I could do in that moment. I in fact was doing something she desperately needed. Loving her, loving her by simply talking with her, and let her talk about whatever she needed.
Praying, praying for her is something I will continue to do, especially now that I am gone. God is redeeming my idea of what it means to love others well, I always thought it was through acts of service and always put the ideal of relational ministry on the back burner. Believing a lie that I was not out going enough, it just wasn’t one of my strong gifts, someone else can do it. What God has taught me is that in fact it is one my gifts, I may not be outgoing, but there are more reserved people all around, hungry and thirsty for people to love them exactly where they are at, to love them as more reserved individuals. Being reserved is ok, God uses you no matter your personality. So push through the lie, because there are amazing people just waiting for you to get to know them.
Later in the month we went to a different elderly home, one that instantly was more peaceful, with beautiful well manicured lawns. I met two fiery women who I thoroughly enjoyed talking to, and then met one other women who was much like the first in my story. Just ready for death, that day I was scheduled to share part of my story, going into the day I had a pretty good idea what I wanted to highlight.
In the few moments I talked to the last women God instantly pointed out and clearly highlighted my college years, of working through deaths of family members while being away from people I knew, that I was close with and how God showed up through it all.
How in each break down he provided someone in the moment to sit with me while I cried, to be there when I broke into tears because I had just found out the news. To send me encouraging texts, pray for, and pick me up from airports and drop me off at the dorms. How I may not of known anybody, but he quickly and effortlessly provided someone in my life to be there in my time of need. That he loves each one of us so much that he puts others in our path because we are worthy of them being in our lives, we are worthy of him spoiling us with gifts of others presence, words on a page, things that make us laugh, hope, a light, and most of his grace and Love.
No matter what you have done in life, how much you think you screwed up God gives you grace and mercy through that. We all are a working progress up til the day we leave this world. But our maker, your maker loves you Unconditionally. Unconditionally, no matter where you have come from or how unworthy you feel right at this moment, the truth is that
YOU ARE WORTHY WORTHY OF HIS GIFTS, LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY
Give thanks and praise to him because he knows each day and designed it perfectly for you and with you individually in mind. If you are still around then he is not finished with you yet.
