It is our last day in an undisclosed town in China
and I didn’t get to say goodbye to my new friend, a girl from the University we
had been spending everyday at for two weeks.
I hope to have time to meet up with her when we come back in two weeks. It is hard to be leaving so soon… again. It is hard to see the point, but I guess what
matters is realizing that it is not for my gain, but for others – for
hers. I don’t know what these two weeks
could mean to her life, maybe little… maybe everything. I must believe that He will take care of her,
bring others to talk to her. It is hard
to leave, to never know and to not be a part of her life any more – to not continue
to be a part of many new lives I’ve encountered and love this year.
I know I will continue to give my heart – all of it. I apparently don’t know how to hold it back
from each new person that I meet. It is
not because of what I gain, though the joy is tangible, but because… I can’t
help it! God has poured into me so much
and I have become addicted to His love and the excitement He gives in the midst
of it all. He says there is more; more
joy, more love… how can I not desire more?
If I know and believe that nothing else will satisfy what
does that make my life look like? How
will I pursue my future and more importantly the day before me at any given
moment? I can’t lie; being in remote
places excites me. This is where my
heart is drawn; this is where I come alive.
I see only life, only love and hope… but, how can I think that when much
of the world screams in pain, suffering and rejection?
But, I know He loves, He redeems, He lives and desires life
for His children. He wants them to want
it, to want Him. Is that too much?
God, you are more than my desires. I admit my desires are too weak and too
easily satisfied. You gave up your
rights as Most High to be low, so low I can’t even comprehend. Your suffering was a surrender of every thing
You deserved. You sacrificed Your right
to be free of a bodily form – amazing (John
1:14). Do I think that I suffer? Not nearly enough… this is way too fun!
I gave up family and friends for 11 months – I met
missionaries who have lived overseas for 17 years. I gave up being in shape – I could be
starving. I gave up personal space/needs/wants
for constant community – I could be all alone in my faith. My life is so blessed and the rights I think
I deserve are nothing. They are not
mine, they’re just distractions. They
are blessings that I normally take for granted, but I am not entitled to.
The joy is set before me, how can my feet falter? His glory is within reach, why would I grab
for lesser things? His voice sings
sweetly, wooing me as a lover, how could I desire more from any man? He offers it all, why would I settle for
less? He is the prize, the goal, the
joy. My hopes, life, love, joy, pleasure
is all wrapped up in the life He offers me (and you) freely.
May I cling to that truth and bask in that promise all the
days of my life.
