It was a requirement. I was being a Sour Sally. I didn’t want to go.
As part of our ministry, we were required to go to a night of prayer and worship. It would last from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. This did not appeal to me. It was 8 pm and here in Malawi, this is bedtime for us these days. The sun sets and rises early, therefor, we do too. I was tired and did not want to go. I knew what it was going to contain; really loud music, people shouting, and mosquitos. As we arrived with the others and their children, there was dancing and singing which is something I would normally be interested in, but this night I wasn’t. I went from standing to sitting to standing to sitting multiple times and then ended up sitting with my face in my hands. I tried to sleep and couldn’t. Then I started praying and then I started crying.
It was now about 1 am and there was supposed to be a car coming to pick us up because we had to rest for the next day’s events. 2 a.m. rolls around and still no car. Now, I am really crying. I found myself mad, frustrated, tired, emotional, and then mad because I was frustrated and frustrated because I was tired and then emotional because Jesus showed up.
As I sat there with my face in my hands, half praying and half trying to sleep, a big “Jesus bomb” was dropped. I began crying because I was convicted. I was talking to the Lord about my frustrations and was expressing to Him that I just wanted someone to show up to take us home. Well, the Lord had other plans. He used that moment to teach me a very valuable lesson: practice what you preach.
The Lord and I proceeded to have a conversation and it went like this:
Lord: “Why don’t you want to be here?”
Me: “ Because I’m tired and don’t want to”
Lord: “ But this is valuable time you can spend with me and you can pray and worship”
Me: “Ok, but all I want to do is go home”
Lord: “ You always tell me how you would die for me and for your faith if it came down to it”
Me: “Yes, I would”
Lord: “Right now doesn’t show me that you would. Do you remember what I did for you? I died on the cross for you and died so you could have this life and all in hopes that you would do the same”
Me: “Really, Lord, right now? This is what you are telling me right now in this time when I am crying because I am tired and all I want to do is go home”
Lord: “Yes, because I want to call you to be a woman of your word. I want you to die for me but if you don’t even want to stay up until 4 a.m. praising and worshipping me, how would you die for me?”
Well, dang. Convicted. I do want to be a woman of my word and I do say with confidence now, after that conversation, that I would die for my faith. I love the Lord, I pursue Him daily and life all things up to Him. He is the one true thing in life that is constant and good. He calls me to be a better woman and to live my life to glorify Him. Life is not about me, it is about the Kingdom and how the Lord works each and every day.
The Lord is good y’all! Even when He teaches and shows us the hard things.
