I’ve been putting off this blog because honestly I am not ready to face the fact that in only 10 days I’ll be back on American soil.
When I signed up for the race I honestly thought to myself , “I’ll quit my job for now, go do the race , finish the race , and come back home and everything will go back to normal.”
I knew I would come back different but I wasn’t prepared for my life being completely changed … forever.
What I wasn’t prepared for, was falling in love with so many countries, cultures , host families and friends all over the world.
I didn’t think I could leave pieces of my heart in so many places.
But I did.
What no one told me was , that the worldrace , would be so much more than a mission trip— that it would be one year of my life , completely immersed into so many cultures , exposed to new practices and religions, loving harder and feeling more than I ever knew I was capable of , my faith being challenged, defending what I believe, stepping out of my comfort zone and not being afraid to ignite the change — that this year would be an experience I’ll never , ever be able to forget.
I was not prepared for that.
To think that I could just leave my life at home , do the race and come back like everything inside me would still feel the same.
But that’s what happens when I left the shore.
I took a risk.
I put myself out of my comfort zone, exposed myself to the waves — I let them move me , and they took me to places far from the shore.
I left the shore behind to see what else is out there.
When we leave the shore, we will see places we’ve dreamed of.
We will see new horizons.
We will feel things we’ve never felt before because these feelings are foreign to us.
We will be exposed to things we’ve never witnessed and unsure of how they make us feel.
And for myself , these were a few things I still can’t fully wrap my mind around :
How some of the happiest people I’ve ever met , have so little.
How my God , the God who loves all , could allow kids to starve and beg on the street.
Why do some kids live in the slums of India and Nepal , but I’ve always had a warm bed and roof over my head?
Why are some of the strongest women I’ve ever met had to go through rape , abuse and sex slavery ?
Why doesn’t a mom want to love her little boy and leaves him alone all day to take care of himself ?
How could people support genocide in one of the most religious countries in this world ?
How could some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met in this world , not believe in the same God as I , yet they are full of so much peace and love? What does God think about that?
When we leave the shore , our faith is up against the waves , and our faith will be challenged.
We will want to search for the answers.
We will want to know more.
We will want to know why we believe the things we grew up always hearing over and over again on Sunday mornings.
We will want to learn exactly what faith means to us and how we will defend it.
Because it matters to us more now than it ever did.
When I was in Colombia (month 1 of the race) I was in a bible study group with the women in the drug rehab program there in Medellin.
We were doing a drawing activity.
God gave me this vision of a girl stepping into the ocean , leaving the shore behind.
In that vision she was running.
Not looking back.
That memory just hit me now , because I am literally typing about leaving the shore.
And I need to remind myself to run.
Except this shore looks different this time.
A year ago , I was running from the American shore.
I was leaving my comfortability behind and in full, passionate pursuit after what God called me to do (the worldrace).
I went through many waves.
They took me to many places.
But now I am leaving this last shore, (at least for this particular voyage of my life) and I’m sailing home.
God is reminding me I need to be running.
To stop being anxious , and stop desiring to put off facing coming home and admitting that the race is indeed over.
I am nervous because for the last year I’ve lived a life very different from my life in the states.
I’ve lived in 11 different countries tries, visited 17, spent many hours on buses , trains, planes , slept in many places and on many floors, lived in constant community, lived in ministry every day , and all I’ve known for the last year is the race.
Even though I am nervous about closing this chapter and beginning the transition into home I know …
I have an amazing support group at home.
I have 2 amazing parents.
A family that loves me bunches.
Friends who are gold.
And I have a church family that’s been praying for me and encouraging me all year.
But there are things I am apprehensive about :
What will I say when people ask ,”how was your year ?”
Do they want to really know ?
How do I summarize perhaps one of the hardest most beautiful times of my life in a few short sentences?
How will I feel coming home realizing that while I was gone everyone else was also still going ? That things won’t be the same as I left.
Will people understand if I want to pick up and leave again?
Honestly, right now if I could stop time … I would.
Who doesn’t want to constantly live in the race?
It’s beautiful.
It’s wild.
It’s crazy.
And for the last year it’s been my home.
And now my comfort zone.
Sure , the community part is hard. I was almost never alone and even in the bathroom people are coming in and out , to be alone on the race , is to put my headphones in and try to imagine myself in a cozy nook somewhere or on my front porch on an early morning.
So even though constantly living with 6 other girls can be hard sometimes , when the community is stripped from you, and you’re left alone — its not easy .
Because only these people will truly grasp how I feel because they lived this year alongside me.
I haven’t fully felt this yet because I am still with my friend Kristen , but she will be my last “see you later ,” before I reach North Carolina.
I am thankful for our chats , and I also miss the constant conversations always happening within my team and community about the crazy things God is doing, life , love, faith, and all the things.
That is what I’ll miss the most.
The mission , it’s always gonna be there.
But this kind of community , it is rare.
I suppose because we literally had no other things to really do in our spare time made it perfect for engaging conversations always happening with sisters and friends.
And though I know , with all my heart , my biggest fans are awaiting my arrival , I am still anxious.
Last night , I was crying in my bed. Thinking about this year ending and facing the unknown ahead.
I was worrying about feeling alone when I got home , and I asked the Lord to just hold me.
I instantly felt warm all over.
And I knew he had his arms wrapped around me.
And I drifted off to sleep.
It makes me think of that song “lean back ,” by Capital City music.
It’s basically saying to be still and lean back in the arms of the savior.
And this brings me peace.
So this is where I am at .
These are confessions of a worldracer coming home after 1 year of being on the field.
These are honest feelings.
This is what the Lord is teaching me.
I will be coming home December 18.
I am already eagerly anticipating the sweet reunion with family at the airport.
I can’t wait to see my supporters and share with you guys about this year.
Tell you stories about God and how He moved in the lives of others this year all over the world.
Your donations sent me.
Your prayers empowered me.
Your words , comments and messages — they encouraged me.
You helped make a way,
for me to make myself a vessel in places all over the world , so that Jesus and only Jesus could work through me to touch the heart of others.
And because of that , I want to share everything with you.
Once I get home , and most likely after the holidays I will send out an update on when I will be speaking about the race.
I also have my blogs on here you can read in the meantime.
I would love to meet individually as well if you want more details , and we can grab lunch or coffee and I’ll share as much as you want to know.
I want to say more than just thank you , I want you to know what happened this year , hear the stories, and be just as touched as I was when I witnessed them happening.
You are beautiful humans.
You guys kept me going when I wanted to give up – I would see your faces and knew in my heart that you guys were praying for me, my squad and our ministry.
You guys mean so much to me.
And I can’t wait to come home to you all.
I Love you .
Laurie
