These past two weeks have contained extremed highs, along with unbearable lows. One of these being a routine trip to Moab for four-wheeling. This is the place where the word tangible first came to mind. Trekking out 30 miles away from civilization, you are able to view scenery like no other. We came to a turning point at the top of a canyon where everyone stepped out of their vehicles to begin even fathoming the sight in front of us. This feeling rushed upon me and I quickly became overwhelmed, why does the thing right in front of me feel non-existent? Why are my eyes feeling deceived by an existent sight? I heard a soft whisper, a lesson really, coming my direction. A lesson becoming deeper than the confusion which flooded my mind from a simple, yet magnificent, view in Moab.
People feel they lack the ability to understand intangible things, we believe tangibility creates connections. This era, this generation, we are grasping for more. Grasping for emotion, objects, even faith in a tangible form. We live in a generation of Thomas’s, who doubt the existence of anything beyond tangibility.
You may not relate to this revelation, but my heart has slowly been breaking for I see myself reaching all to much for surroundings which are tangible, for tangible emotions. It’s as if we see an astonishing view, or we feel an overwhelming feeling and our brains flips a switch. What seems real in front of us, our brain triggers to fake. Not due to not wanting to believe what our eyes see before us or what our heart feels in the moment, but because what’s in front of us has become too big to fathom.
Just one magnificent view my father created created a ripple effect for how I viewed tangible love.
How do you believe in a God which, at times, may feel disputable?
How do you understand an emotion which feels greater than what you can fathom?
How do we show tangible love to others when we can’t always grasp that love ourselves?
My grandmother passing, a week after the word tangible came to mind, showed itself again. I called her on Saturday night expecting to check-in and tell her I will see her soon. Instead, I got a rushed goodbye and sorrow flooded my chest. I couldn’t grasp what was coming. I knew she was struggling, I knew she was in pain, but somehow it’s hard to hold onto to someone when the world is forcing you to let go. This has been a woman who has supported me through every decision I have made, and now it was time to let her go. If tangibility is the way we understand, how can I perceive something which I can no longer touch? Then, it hit me. Tangible love, tangibility in and of itself, is only possible through Christ. He was the one who first loved us, therefore we can love others through him.
My grandmother showed this tangible love to me. In the midst of a painful procedure, she showed more care for me than herself. Holding her hand through the process, she continually asked if I was okay. Although she was hurt, she cared more about my pain than her own. Shirley showed strength and unconditional love, never hiding the fact it came from an almighty savior. Although she was the one passing, she lacked fear and filled the room with ornery jokes. She looked at me and said “Have you been telling God I’m ready?”. Although this stung my heart, I could see in her eyes she was ready to fully embrace a truly tangible love God had already began extending to her. She is the one who supported my decision to leave for this trip without letting the fear of risk get in the way. She has taught me tangible love. A love which fills a room, a love only Christ could extend.
Tangible love accepts risk and sacrifice
Tangible love is an expression of agape love, which by definition is unconditional and self-sacrificial. This kind of love is most often what we are most fearful of. Whether we love family or strangers in this way, this kind of love requires the most sacrifice. Sometimes to show tangible love we may have to sacrifice money, careers, our lifestyles.
I’m choosing this trip, to serve for 11 months, because I want to be able to fully embrace tangible love. This trip is and will bring sacrifices. Most people ask about the risks entangled with the trip and why I would put myself in this position. Following a path where Christ leads doesn’t promise safety or health. Yet, He does promise he will be with us through the darkness. My grandmother showed me a tangible love, I plan on showing this love to others. We continually seek tangible things. Yet, none of them will be sustained due to the only sustainable love coming from an eternal source. Serving the unserved and giving them a tangible love to hold onto. I love only I could find through experiencing christ. “God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline” (2 Tim 1:7).
Tangible love is living as a sacrificial life to show who Christ is. Risking the earthly tangibilities in my life, for the tangibility only my father can sustain eternally.
Christ is something tangible.
Here is a picture of my Grandmother, someone it’s hard to imagine living without.
