Tug and pull

 

That is what I am doing 

with 

my Father

back and forth 

tug and pull. 

Not wanting to fully do what He is calling me to.

Sell your things he says,

really all of it? I say

yes, he says

no, I say 

yes 

no 

back and forth.

I finally say, ok.

Ok is 

half-hearted 

not 

fully submitting to 

His will.

Your things are more important then I am to you.

No they are not, I say

Yes they are, He says

Then why are you not willing to sell them

 and 

let them go?

A smack in the face.

Reality 

comes quick and fast  

thinking my apartment full of things that has been in storage for way to long 

has no hold on me

because 

they 

do.

I have longed to have a home of my own, 

but 

my home is not what I think it is going to be.

God 

is calling me 

to 

move and move and not settle in this next season.

Come away with me, Lauren

but

that is what this year was about, I say.

Lauren 

this is what your whole life is about. 

Come away with me to places you can only imagine. 

You know those dreams I have been reawakening in you all this year?

I am opening doors for you.

 All you have to do is

 walk 

through them. 

Come away with me, Lauren

but 

What about my niece? 

trust me.

What about wanting my own home?

trust me.

What about my cats?

trust me.

What about my family, friends?

trust me. 

back and forth

tug 

and pull.