Monday morning, I went back to the doctor concerning my concussion. Although, this time I did not walked out frustrated. I was not holding back tears, but full of joy. I’m cleared. Cleared to go on the World Race. Clear to go to training camp! Clear to start running again… which I might have done a couple times anyways. Technically, I’m not completely cleared, the doctor still wants to do some follow-ups just to make sure that everything is progressing and healing the way it should be, but for the most part things are looking really good!
As I walked out of the doctors office and headed back home, The Father quietly and gracious reminded me of His love & faithfulness. He reminded me that He is in the details of it all and I can stop worrying about it all. & although I know this to be true. I’ve seen evidence of it time and time again. I am so quick to forget it. SO. QUICK.
You see, I sat in a hotel room not that long ago, throwing the biggest pity party, crying big tears asking God why. In a week my phone and computer both broke & I got a head injury. A head injury that would cause me to leave camp early & miss extra weeks of pay. Money that I thought I needed so badly. I sat on the floor, all alone and cried and cried. My mind raced with the “why me’s” and the “it’s not fairs”. I gave God my list of all the things I wish He would have done differently. & friends, the crazy thing is that in His goodness and kindness He let me. He let me sit there and throw a pity party. He let me sit there and cry. He let me be hurt and angry.
But in the days and weeks to come, He slowly but surely reminded me of how sinful that was and how I could not have been more wrong.
What I didn’t know in that hotel was room was that the warranty on the computer I was so worried about paying for was about to expire. My head injury saved me almost $500 in fees to get my computer repaired. Yet, because I went in the day I did they repaired it for free. Same thing happened with my phone. I was able to ship it right back and get a brand new one. Yet, had I stayed at camp. Had I done what I wanted to do, what I had planned then I would have payed for both right out of pocket.
But I didn’t know that so I threw a fit and questioned God.
I didn’t know that this plan called Workman’s comp. pays you back for the money you would have missed while you were out. Little did I know that they would cover all the medical cost of everything from an ER visit to an EGG and CT scan. Little did I know that because of all these appointments, I’d get to meet incredible people. People like an Uber driver who had studied at the same college in Uganda I studied at! Like, what in the world?
Seriously, all the things I thought I so desperately needed for were provided for & then some… in excess… just not in the timing I had planned. I had no clue of all the ways the Lord had planned to bless me through this challenge in life.
I’m quick to throw a pity-party and ask God why me. I’m quick to get upset and impatient. Yet, standing on this side, I see the glory and the beauty that was held within. The Father provided for things and in ways I had not even considered. What I thought that the enemy meant for evil, the Father worked for my good.
I cannot help but think that this might have been how Mary and Martha felt after Jesus raised Lazarus. They got so upset with Jesus for not coming in on time & let’s be real, I would have been too. But, He was in the details. He knew that in waiting, His glory would be revealed all the more. He knew it would draw people unto Himself and so He waited. He waited until Lazarus was dead and then He came. He came to call Lazarus to come forth out of the grave. I wonder what Mary and Martha thought about looking back on that moment. That moment when their frustration turned to joy, their pain to rejoicing!
Or even the disciples when Jesus died. They trusted their lives to this man and followed him for several years and now He is dead in the tomb. Did they waste their lives? Was it all a lie? Imagine how they must have felt when they got to the tomb? When they saw the stone rolled away. When they saw Jesus, the same Jesus that was crucified 3 days prior, alive and well? I cannot imagine the emotions. The rush. The excitement. I cannot imagine how humbled they must have been.
Yet, I sit here and feel as if I have just a glimpse. Far too often, I like the disciples, like Mary & Martha, find myself frustrated at Jesus. He did do what I thought He would have done. He did not respond in my timeframe. He didn’t follow my plan.
But. Every. Time.
He comes through. & it’s bigger and better than expected. Because He’s in the details. Because His plan and His ways are so much better than mine. I just have to be still and trust Him. Because, His plans far outweigh mine. He knows exactly what He’s doing.
& just as He came through for Mary and Martha. Just as He showed up for the disciples. & just as He did it for me & continues to do it for me. He will do it for you too.
Every. Single. Time.
The longer I live, the more I realize that this is not a one-time revelation that supernaturally makes me always trust Jesus. Trusting Jesus is a choice. A daily choice to follow after him and trust that He knows exactly what He’s doing. & thankfully, time and time again He proves Himself so faithful.
Much love & Many blessings, Lauren
