I think there can be a little small misconception, or at least for me, that the World Race is the answer to all of it, and that suddenly everything you struggled with before stepping on that plane are going to disappear as you take on the world. Wrong, so very wrong.
What kind of cure was I expecting? Perhaps that I would immediately start walking in boldness and confidence in my kingdom authority. That I would immediately start loving myself in the complete fullness in which God intended. That insecurity would never seep back into my heart again, and that comparison would never take root. That my mind and thoughts would instantly stop being a battle and war zone for the enemy to do some of his greatest work. Some of the hardest stuff I have walked through has been what goes on in the mind. For years I’ve found my self-worth and value in people and relationships and what others thought of me and craving validation. I’ve fought hard battles because I was seeking from others what could only be found in the Lord. But the reality is these are things I’ve fought for years and it’s a process you have to walk through. You know that saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day……” it’s so very true!
I quickly learned during these 11 months that all this has become highlighted now more than ever. But there’s a reason for that. God has given me this unique opportunity to go on a journey with him, alone, just him and I. It’s like he gently took my hand, nudged me and said “Come on baby girl, we are going to figure this out together.”
“Am I doing this right?”
That is the question, a very wrong question, I have asked myself time and time again in my faith walk.
I found myself again asking the question this past week,“Did I get the race right?”
Oh, Lauren, don’t you see, there is no right or wrong way. As long as you are fully relying and trusting in the Lord, you did it right.
Did I get everything out of the race I possibly could? I struggle with this question because the past 11 months have been nothing like I imagined. Looking back my race was so different than what I expected. Not a bad different, but if anything I’ve learned to lay down my expectations and just simply trust. Were there things I could have done differently? I’m sure there are. My human nature immediately goes to where I fell short.
Did I love my squad and every person I came across to my full capacity?
Did I give my all to each ministry and each host?
Did I miss a child? Was there a child who needed love but I didn’t see?
Did I embrace each and every single culture and country?
Did I miss you God anywhere?
The questions could really go on and on . They honestly are detrimental because all of these cause self-doubt and are self-absorbed questions. Notice how all these questions have “I” in it. Deep down if I can answer these questions with what I think is a good answer, I can pat myself on the back…. HELLO SELF-GRATIFICATION. Woohooo I DID IT RIGHT!! But the truth is, he called 37 imperfect people to go out into an imperfect world and share his perfect love. My human nature fails me time and time again with my thoughts and allowing them for harm versus good. If I weigh out my answers to measure if ”I’m doing this right”…. deadly path to go on.
See the World Race isn’t a cure.
It’s in fact probably one of the most beautiful journeys of self-discovery/reflection and constantly discovering how far you have to go but most of all remembering how far you’ve come.
