It was Saturday night this past weekend. It was 2am and my mind would not shut off. I was dealing with a lot of worry and anxiety that was keeping me tossing and turning. Frustrated almost to the point of tears. I was worrying about money, thinking of the the lofty amount to raise for this trip. This trip I know without a doubt I am called to go on. One that from the moment my heart committed and my mouth said ‘Yes’ door after door has remained opened and God has shown up. So with all that knowledge why was anxiety creeping up on me? **cue frustration**
I somehow managed to finally fall asleep.
So I wake up the next morning to get ready for church. I volunteer with the kids at 9 am and head to the 11am service. From the start of the music, from the message, and then the cherry on top which I will get to in a minute.
One particular song we sang, there was a line “Calm my anxious thoughts.”
Y’all, $18,200 to be raised is an overwhelming amount.
Oh it was like balm to my soul as tears were rolling down my eyes. The pastor spoke on necessary endings and beginnings.
He then brought to my attention that yesterdays trials prepared for today’s opportunities in this new season of missions God is calling me to. He is so much bigger than that $18,200 and I realized it’s easy to put him in way too small of a box. No, the pastor didn’t verbally say my name in the message, ha, but I replaced that ‘your’ and ‘our’ that he referenced to the congregation and really tried to personalize it to myself. It’s my race and THE ministry, and not the race and MY ministry. He doesn’t call the equipped. He equips those who are called. It was just a real timely message for the start of 2018 and as I spend the next months preparing for this trip.
THEN for the cherry on the already wonderful sundae… During the service they had a commissioning for a wonderful guy and church member who is leaving to go on the mission field full time. So after service I go up to him to give hug and say goodbye. He asks me how the raising and everything is going for my trip. In my head I’m thinking, “This is a loaded question.” I begin to share with him my thoughts on the fundraising process, about the night before and how I’ve been letting doubt/worry/fear worm it’s way in. I say bye and go to walk away and he discreetly puts something in my hand. He then goes on to say that right before I walked up somebody had just handed him money for him as he embarks on his mission and proceeds to tell me he wants ME to have it, and left me with the words ‘God will provide.’
My mouth literally dropped. I was floored. It was then I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and be like okay God, clearly you are trying to tell me something here. I get it, I GET IT! From beginning to end, the whole time at church was just like a big hug from God. I left feeling so much lighter than when I walked in.
Whatever the case may be. Maybe you are reading this right now and you are asking God for something. Maybe he hasn’t met that need yet. Maybe you are trying to do it in your own strength and not his. Maybe you are letting worry consume you to the point that you lose focus on what you know to to be true, which is where I found myself.
Let me leave you with the parting words my friend left me….
‘God will provide.’
I want to document the big and small moments where I see God’s hand of provision leading up to my launch date October 5, 2018, and so glad you all are along for the ride.
Much love to you.
