Let me ask you a question….. Have you ever been in a room FULL of people and yet still feel alone?
It happens and it happened to me at training camp and it caught me off guard. It was after a night of worship. I remember the day started off with just some beautiful moments with the Lord, great times with my squadmates, sat in on amazing sessions and just being poured into and soaking it up; and just so very grateful in that moment to be where I am at; to be a chosen one to fulfill this calling with all these wonderful people.
Then a switch flipped. Like literally.
It was almost like I began watching a movie and the world is going on around me. Let me back up and say that when I first was considering applying for the World Race missions trip my apprehension was my age. The age range for this trip is 21-35. I struggled a lot with this. I am turning 35 on the race.
“Lord what do I have in common with young 20 year olds fresh out of college?”
“Will they like me and want to be around me?” (A legit thought)
“Where would I fit into this?”
So many questions…… But ultimately I wasn’t going to give up this opportunity when it was my last chance and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in my heart was saying GO!
Back to the movie. So this particular day I was sitting back and observing and I could see individual bonds and relationships being formed between a lot of the younger girls on my squad and I didn’t know where this feeling of being alone and isolated was coming from, because I loved seeing this.
Recognizing I was feeling like this I grabbed a squadmate (shout out to Madison) to talk it out because I know I needed to and it happened with a younger squadmate, the irony haha. And it ended up being a beautiful time of me sharing the lies running through my head “they don’t need you”… “You won’t fit in anywhere”…. and Madison spoke into me and it was then I knew I was going to be okay and this would never be an issue again. I began to see the lies for what they were, STRAIGHT UP LIES!!!!!
After that moment, I never felt alone again.
Not to say that I may never feel those feelings of being alone out on the field but when I sense those feelings of isolation creep up on me again I will remember that there is truly the greatest common ground among all of us no matter the age, our backgrounds, and where we come from, we ALL love Jesus and we all have the calling upon our lives to go out into the nations and share the love of Jesus and everything else be damned. But I’m so excited about what there is to be learned from each and every single person on my squad and I could not be more excited to see what I am able to give back to them in return.
To my people, my community, my new family of 36 who might be reading this, thank you for loving me with open arms and embracing all that I am. You have already brought so much joy and love to my life and we haven’t even left yet. I cannot be more thankful and grateful to share this journey with you.
I love you.
