This week I experienced multiple new things. It’s my first full week here and it has flown by. On Sunday we went to our first church service on the island, and monday the school opened so I have met a lot of new kids. For ministry I have served in the cafeteria, organized the library, cleaned in the kitchen, and painted some more. We have started doing ministry at night as well and spend the time hanging out with the kids who live at the orphanage. I rode in a tuk tuk for the first time, which is a very small taxi and made for quite an enjoyable ride.
I still at times get overwhelmed at being here. I had the weight of sharing my testimony to the group, something we all have to do, hanging over my shoulders. Even after praying about it, I still felt anxious, because I have never talked about the hard parts of my life to anyone. Afterwards I felt embarrassed and discouraged with myself. I didn’t want to people to judge me and I was already judging myself for not being the best speaker and for revealing struggles I’ve had.
Yet there was comfort and healing in telling my story. I’ve always grown up seeking approval from other people to define my worth and not feeling like I am enough. After sitting with God, he told me that being who I am is more than sufficient. He loves me so much even with the doubts and anxiety that I have. I don’t have to compare and prove myself to anyone because I was already born into the best love possible.
Psalm 51:12
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit”
