8/17/19
Bear Climbing up Sendero La Piedra De Lino… Literally.
Today Alli, Tess, Kenzie and I went on a hike. We left around 6:35am. My understanding of this hike was that it was a very short one; 35-ish minutes up and then the same for going back down. That sure was not the case. We walked for what seemed like a mile or two to the entrance of the trail. I was excited to go on this hike because I love the outdoors and physical activity. Well, my legs got tired way quicker than expected. That instantly annoyed me and I started a comparison game of myself of a college athlete to now. I am not that fit anymore! Just a fact. I was with three women that are pretty dang fit. I felt bad for always being the last one up. In my head it was easy to think they would be annoyed with me the whole way up because they stopped for me a couple times. So we started the trail ad it is just straight up. I just look at the mountain and got discouraged. That was a sad moment for me because I did not feel enough to hike the stinking mountain. In the past, I have most always been a top leader in anything physical.. but then I wasn’t. hahaha there’s a lesson in that!
Anyways, Alli and Kenzie booked it up the mountain and Tess stayed behind a bit with me. I stopped a lot. I was so discouraged by the physical and mental difficulty of this hike I did not have much motivation to continue when it got even harder. Feeling like I was going pass out and throw up at the same time was not a fun feeling at all. By this time, Tess and I were about half way up this dang mountain and I just stopped in my tracks. I got this thought in my head that it would not be smart to continue to the top. I told Tess to continue up the mountain without me to meet the others and I would go back down a bit and sit and wait for them at the lookout. I really also wanted time to think about what I actually wanted to do without someone right there waiting on me to make a decision.
The internal conflict started within… should I finish? Should I go back down and just wait for them? I swear, my feet were cemented into the ground I stood on for a good ten minutes while my head, heart and spirit battled it out. While I was standing there, what was probably a 180+ BPM heart rate lowered and I could think more clearly. I was thinking / hearing thoughts that sounded like “why would you finish? it is going to take so much longer to finish than everyone else”, “your body can’t handle it”, “just go to the lookout, that’ll be easier on your body”, and more. BUT in the same breath or thought I was also thinking / hearing “I made you to finish”, “deep breath and start up the mountain”, “just one step at a time and you will be there”, “in your weakness I am strong, let’s go together”. [which of those thoughts sound like Jesus????].
What seemed to be the next second my feet started up the mountain in a quick pace, with a second wind coming in full force. The bear climb started, literally. It was rainy season in Panama, so the course was a bit washed away and slick which made for a difficult ascension. I eventually caught up to Tess and it was almost like we exchanged emotions. I was (somehow) ready to charge this mountain and she had not a lot of desire to continue up, so we took a short break to catch our breath. We BOTH decided to continue up.
**this is where the journal entry stops for some reason I do not remember, but I am going to tell the rest of the story from my memory.
It was only about ten minutes up the mountain we saw the familiar faces of our friends. They had already been to the summit with the view but decided to go again with us so we could all see it together and have that moment. I forgot to mention in the entire that there were two adorable dogs that lived around the area that went all the way up the mountain with us. We had dogs as mouton guides. They knew exactly where to go and what to do, they led us straight up. I wonder how many times they have been up and down that mountain with different people?
We continued on, climbed some rocks and finally saw the view of the land. There was a huge rock landing we all got to sit (more so lay down and nap) on with the pups and enjoy Panama and all its glory. Up on the rock all I felt was an overwhelming amount of gratefulness. I was a sweaty mess, but I did it. We did it. Thank you Jesus for the strength you gave my body that day when I wanted to give up.
The climb / fall down is another story for another time. Ask if you want to know 😉 it was quite humorous!
8/22/19 – Answers to journal prompt.
Question: what does it look like to follow the Greatest Commandments in order?
At first, I was thinking the 10 commandments lol then I re-read the question. The two Greatest Commandments say this: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). Do I do this at all or well? Do I love God before people? What are my tendencies?
I think I choose people first, usually. Unfortunately. I also think it’s a process and I am evolving over time and changing. I have always said I love the process; but I seem to only love the process for others? I am patient with them, every step of the say. I wish I could say the same about myself. Why I say that is because I just want to naturally be in a place where I choose God first in every single circumstance. But I am not. I think a huge part of this season of life is to learn to be okay even when everything is a mess. To learn to love the process for myself. It’s a beautiful and very challenging place to be. The journey. HA! The journey… of patience for myself. The journey of self-love, with a heart that beats first for the Kingdom. The journey of not having everything together.
I believe by loving the Lord first in my life leaves a lot more room to love my neighbor as myself. Obviously, but think about that for a second! How much more as an individual and collectively humble, generous, encouraging and caring would we be?
So, to love the Lord God with everything in me first then loving humans second, is a complete choice on our part. He already chose us. He already gave everything for us. He already loves us more than humanly comprehendible. WE DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT. What a freaking GIFT.
How do I do this?
- To dwell + abide in His presence. To spend time with Him in the Word and in constant prayer.
- To be thankful. To thank Him instead of asking Him.
- To give myself grace when I make a mistake or a misstep.
- To believe I am good enough for the Father’s love. That it’s a relationship. He desires deeply to be known by me.
This is blog 2 of the four, with the last one being just pictures. I hope you all enjoyed my story about bear climbing up the mountain and my honesty in answering this prompt.
So much love for you all, it means more than you know that you following along on with me on this journey.
until next time,
Lauren
