The other day someone from the world race squad that’s here asked me “what’s the biggest thing you’ve learned during your 3 months here?” Chaos ensued around us (the usual) and I never got to finish the conversation or answer her question. But I’ve sat and thought about it for a few days now.
That’s a tough question. Not because I haven’t learned much, but because there’s so many different lessons I’ve learned here & it’s hard to figure out which one I value most.
I’ve come to realize that the biggest thing I have learned here, through God speaking to me, His word, and the feedback of others – is who I am.
I feel as though I’ve been on a first date with myself, then a second and a third and so on. Learning all of my strengths, all of my weaknesses… all of the “whys.”
If you know me, you know I love psychology. I love understanding what makes people act the way they do. I’ve spent three months figuring that out about myself.
Scripture has taught me what God says about me, God has taught me things about my heart and given me vision for where and what He wants me to be, fellow believers have been my mirrors helping me to see the blind spots I couldn’t see alone & helping me process so much.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
-I’m the definition of an enneagram 2 wing 1. Google it and my picture should pop up, honestly.
-I HIGHLY value and prioritize love. Theologically I focus on Paul’s teachings in 1 corinthians 13:1-3 a lot. I think that all the service and teaching in the world is useless if not backed by love. —but.. I’ve recognized a weakness of mine in this. I view love as complete kindness & gentleness. Part of my testimony is that I used to be a very aggressive, blunt, and harsh person who never held back to speak up on injustice. I definitely leaned towards being “mean” more than being “nice” even if I did have a “good” purpose in seeking justice. A little over a year ago when God radically changed me, removing anger from my heart, I swung completely the other direction on the pendulum. I’ve recognized a fear that has kept me on the opposite end of the spectrum from who I used to be. I’d now rather become a doormat for others to walk all over than to ever be close to being “mean” ever again. The Lord has taught me, and is still teaching me, what a healthy medium looks like. That truly loving others is calling them higher and not accepting their bad behaviors.. I’m stunting their growth that way. Last night as I sat in worship I asked the Lord to reveal to me anything I needed to repent of or any area I needed to work on. He said “Lauren I long to use you as iron to sharpen iron. But your fear of the wrath of man has caused you to become a feather, which cannot sharpen anything.” So here’s to finding that healthy middle ground, not only for myself, but for the growth of others. Love is still my greatest value, I just need to open my perspective and have courage in what it may look like to love others sometimes.
-I’ve further solidified my theology, what I believe to be truth about the Lord.. & grown my zeal for things that I’m very passionate about. Things that He’s had me focusing on a LOT lately are faith, full dependency & an eternal mindset. I just feel as the American church, we lack faith. That’s why our lives look so different from the book of acts. It’s that simple to me. God hasn’t changed, so it has to be us. I tweeted last night:
“There’s such a lack of faith in the prayers of the American church.
We pray for healing as if it’s a rare thing for Jesus to provide.
We pray for revival & then doubt transformations of influential celebrities.
Let’s start believing so we can start seeing the power of God.”
& that pretty much sums up what’s been on my heart for three months about faith. I think it’s time we stop praying prayers wondering if God will show up, and start believing He will. Knowing His character better so that we don’t have to wonder if it’s “his will” for someone to be healed, or for a situation to change. Let’s know Him better, so that we may pray bolder, and see His glory all the more.
(check out “What are you trusting God for?” By Gregg Hinzelman for a great book challenging you to pray bold prayers in faith.)
Full dependency, the other thing I’ve been studying, requires faith. Full dependency is placing yourself willingly into situations God has called you to, knowing you’re in trouble if He doesn’t come through. I have really come to value this so much, because like faith, it allows Gods glory to be shown. I fasted and prayed for God to pull me into a place of full dependency and I watched Him place me in the role of leading the big 4 next summer with Love Africa – something that’s far too great of a task for me, but He never asked me to do it alone. That position comes with a price tag of $5,500 that I don’t have, also an opportunity for God to step into the gap of my lacking and show His power. I encourage you to pray this prayer with me. Ask God to remove comfort zones, bringing you to the end of yourself…the beginning of Him. Where we are finite beings, His strength, power, and provision are infinite. Allow room in your life for that to be revealed!!! God uses the unqualified… it’s all throughout scripture. Stay in over your head.
As for an eternal mindset, I think it’s crucial to stay zoomed out in your perspective. To realize this life isn’t all there is, constantly. This causes you to serve in such a way your impact is lasting and eternal, not just fleeting and earthly. Service and monetary generosity are important ways to love and help others – but are completely temporary. Gospel focused ministry is eternal. Also, when your mind is set on the bigger picture, you won’t become as overwhelmed with your situation. Romans 8:18. You will stay aware that present suffering or simple discomfort is temporary & it’ll remind you why it’s worth it. There. Is. More. Than. This. Life. Let’s live like it. In ministry and in attitudes of joy & hope!
Also want to share a small tangent of what I’m passionate about with eternal mindset and politics.
So often in America we, as Christians, are demanding of others to change the fruit they are producing – but we aren’t focused on leading them to the One who changes the whole tree.
Matthew 7:17-18 says “every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot produce good fruit.”
Then Matthew 12:33 says “make a tree good and it’s fruit will be good or make a tree bad and it’s fruit will be bad.”
Basically what I’m saying is let’s stop expecting lost people to act like saved people. Let’s see the issues for what they are. And let’s do what we’re called to do. Love. Share.
That doesn’t mean condone unbiblical things, it just means let’s avoid arguing about fruit – let’s let our speech be focused on telling of the One who changes trees. We MUST keep eternal mindsets or we are fighting for fleeting ‘victories’ on earth.
I love this quote from a book I’m reading:
“What if, instead of vilifying the people promoting anti-biblical values, and making them out to be our enemies, we fervently prayed for them, and practiced Jesus’ command to love our enemies? What if we spent less time focusing on the ‘issues’ and instead focused our time and energies on seeing God change the trees?” -Gregg Hinzelman
There is SO SO MUCH MORE that I’ve learned, but I’m a rambler. So to save you from this blog becoming even more of a chapter book (which is coming one day, I promise) – I’ll leave it at that. Plus, I’ll be back in the states real soon for coffee dates to catch up and share whatever you’d like to know!
Thank you Jesus for bringing me here, for pursuing my heart, for being the refiner. God continue to sanctify me all of my days. Help me to have the faith of Paul. Help me to know you better so that I may pray all the more boldly. Help me to love unconditionally, but to never shy away from loving in the less comfortable ways.
Pray for me to implement these lessons and give it all I’ve got this last week (and some change).. and to take it all home with me as well. Pray for health, Ive still got a weird and annoying cold (thank God I think that round two of the antibiotics kicked the infection though!!). Pray for my team as we’re in the weird transition stage and all trying to keep from drowning in emotions and thoughts. Pray for ethiopia – that every person would come to know and believe in Jesus & that God would have His glory!
— & as you pray these things… know the Fathers heart is for these things, and believe He will move!!
See you real soon friends.
