I’m not sure what time it is or what day it is because I’ve flown to a different continent and to three different countries all with different time zones in the past three days! Since I’ve been awake for so long, I’ve had plenty of time to think about and reflect on this past month I spent in Cambodia. If you read my last blog, “What God Revealed To Me In Cambodia” you read about how God revealed to me my worth and identity in Him. I felt so close to Him and it was so good to hear from Him and to feel His presence.
About a week later, one afternoon while we were at a village spending time with kids, we decided to go for a walk. As I was walking down the dirt roads, I had one of those moments that I have quite often on the race. A “how is this my life right now” moment. I was in the middle of a rural village in Cambodia with kids that stole my heart! (I didn’t even like kids before I came on the race but these kids changed my mind) I looked down at my hands that were holding the hands of my two little friends and I couldn’t be happier!
I remember thanking God in that moment for being so good to me.
As we continued walking, we stopped outside the gate of someone’s home and all I could hear was a woman screaming in another language as she cried. We walked past the gate and saw a dead body laying on a wooden bed with that woman and her three sons sitting by the body. We walked up to the family to pray for them, but I just stood there in tears thinking about this family who had just lost their father/husband that day. While we were standing there, someone told me that the man that died wasn’t a believer in Jesus.
At that moment I stopped believing that God was good. I couldn’t make sense of the fact that the body I was standing over, the body that once held a soul of a good man who cared for and provided for his family.. was in hell. I made my way back outside with tears still running down my face. I sat on the dirt road while I watched monks drive up in a tuk tuk to visit the family. I was devastated not only for the family, but because I felt like God had in a way lied to me about who He was. I felt lied to by other people that told me God was good because clearly He wasn’t good if He would allow this to happen. I tried to make sense of it all, but I continued to let my mind wonder and think about all the things and people I’ve encountered on the world race. I’ve seen mothers with their child sleeping on a thin blanket on the side of the road at night with no home to go to. I’ve seen more people with mental and physical illness than I ever thought I would. I’ve met someone who has spent their entire life in a bed in an orphanage, unable to walk or even feed herself because of her physical disabilities and bedsores. I’ve watched people who have spent their entire life in a wheelchair fall into the floor violently shaking in the floor from seizures. I’ve seen people bathing in a rain puddle full of trash. I’ve seen beggars, the homeless, orphans, people that live under tarps and live in huts, and more.
All I could think was..
WHY?
As I sat alone on a roof in the middle of the night in Cambodia, these thoughts flooded my mind. “Why is there so much bad in the world, God? Why do you allow all of this to happen?”
I sat on these thoughts for about a week before I decided to stop allowing my feelings to get in the way of the truth.
We do not operate on God’s timing and we cannot see things from His perspective. Sometimes when seeing things from our perspective it seems like He isn’t good or He’s just completely silent when we are trying so desperately to hear from Him. But even in His moments of silence, there is something to be heard. He will never leave you or ignore you. He hears every word of every one of your prayers. Even when I sat on that roof in Cambodia questioning Him and fervently asking Him to answer me and in my return I got nothing but silence, I had a chance to grow my faith and to CHOOSE to believe that He is still good no matter what I think. I am choosing to believe that God is good because of the proof I have been given from Him in my own life, others’ lives, and from the Bible. I believe that He works everything together for our good because of the love He has for us.
No matter what you are walking through in life right now, no matter how big the trial…
GOD IS GOOD.
Even if you don’t understand why bad things happen to good people…
GOD IS GOOD.
Even if you feel like God is silent in your life right now…
HE IS STILL GOOD.
I want to encourage you to keep pursuing Him even when it’s hard to. You will be so glad you did.
“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God; slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” – Psalm 86:15
“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.” – Psalm 86:5
“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” – Nahum 1:7
“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” – Psalm 34:8
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” – Psalm 86:5
“For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.” – Psalm 100:5
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – Psalm 107:1
“The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.” – Psalm 145:9
