I am currently in the London airport trying to gather my thoughts. I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now in this moment. All I can say is that this year was the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. There were times I wanted to give it back, wondered why I was given it in the first place, but then realized I want to keep this gift as close to me as I can, forever. This gift is now apart of who I am.
I don’t know what I need. Patience, love, and kindness? I’m an external processor, so I might share the same story 5 times or go in circles. But please for the sake of my sanity… please ask me something other than, “How was your trip?” (or another generic question like that) Because I cannot answer that. It was so much more than a trip. I will be reaching out to people after Thanksgiving.
I wrote this letter to myself on August 1 of this year.
Dear Lauren,
Today is the last day of the World Race. Wow! Can you believe it? Lol probably not. But you’re here and it’s most likely hard because you are wrestling many emotions. You have grown so much since day 1 and you should be SO proud of yourself for the dang thing! There are many things you could have done differently — being less negative, less concerned of others on the squad and more concerned of you, time where you could have spent time with the Lord, had more conversations with your teammates or ministry people, less time on your phone and more time in the present. But it’s okay because here is what you did do that outweighs all of that…
You made room in your heat for God yo heal your broken past, you went all in, you made friendships with people from ALL OVER THE WORLD! You evangelized, you preached for the first time in a topic you weren’t familiar with but trusted God in India, you had an open heart to receive correction, you made lasting friendships with people on the squad, you had hard conversations with others and encouraged them as well, you found yourself, who you are truly meant to be, you changed, you became better, you found peace within, you overcamewantibg to go home and quit, you learned what it means to FULLY trust the Lotd with everything, you lived in places, ate foods, seen things you will NEVER see in America, you loved with your whole entire heart for it to be broken and without expecting to receive anything in return, you were stretched, challenged, and put in stressful situations to grow. You learned how beautiful you really are, you don’t need affirmations from the world only from the Lord. It doesn’t stop here Lauren. Keep seeking the Lord, trusting him, obeying him, loving him, and serving him without doubting that it’s from him. You know his voice, trust it. People are going doubt where the Lord is taking you but you have him and your people who believe in you. I’m proud of you, so dang proud. The best is yet to come. This isn’t the end I love you. Hug everyone today, cry, laugh, and trust.
