A couple weeks ago I had the chance to speak about my race experience at the high school I went to. I started each presentation with a collage of my Squad and saying I would be doing a disservice to each of them if I didn’t acknowledge my love for them and how the helped change me into the woman I am today.
I spent 11 months of 2019 traveling the world with 44 beautiful souls. We experienced so so much together especially with our teams we were placed on throughout the year. The good, the bad, the ugly. We fell to the ground making mistakes left and right while walking through it together. We all were going through our own stuff while serving our ministries the best way we knew how. I was blessed to be on 3 teams. For the first 4 months I was on an all women’s team. Then we had team changes the beginning of month 5 and I was placed onto a co-ed team. My final team was another women’s team for one month. Each team I was on brought something completely different then the last and it was so amazing to learn from each of them. I had the beautiful opportunity of spending at least one month with everyone on our Squad. The leadership team of this program does a really great job of equipping and preparing us for life unexpected on the race. One thing I was not prepared for in this transition was the grief I would feel. And I have thought to myself, “What exactly am I grieving? No one has died.”I have realized I’m grieving a season that has passed. A beautiful season that cannot be relived. I’m grieving the physical presence of 44 souls who I got the privilege of learning from, of watching the Lord work in and through them. I’m grieving the little things that we did together. The jokes and laughs that only we understand. We spent every travel day together, from country to country and then adjusting to the new. And then one day to come back home and no one is physically there is so hard. I didn’t realize the void in my heart I would feel until now. My people aren’t here with me and it hurts, my heart aches and I’ve realized it’s okay for me to feel like this but not to stay here forever. I try my best to keep in touch with a lot of my Squad and thankfully I’ve talked to almost everyone (if I haven’t yet don’t worry, I’m making my rounds I promise!). I have a new family of brothers and sisters that I didn’t know I needed but I’m so thankful to God he blessed me with these amazing people I love so deeply. Jesus used each and every one of them to heal a piece of my heart I didn’t know it needed.
I have decided I’m going to post an album on my Facebook of each country I went to last year and it’s my way of processing. I hope you enjoy each of the pictures I post and please if you have any questions about any of them, ask! I love talking about my trip so even if I don’t know you please reach out to me!
Ugh. I love you all SO MUCH. And I pray you all continue to stay close to Jesus as we continue to journey our way through life. I’m always here my sweet ones and I’m rooting for you!
