If you have known me for any length of time, you will know that I have struggled more than half of my life with anxiety and worry. You may have even witnessed the battle face to face with me. It started while I was in middle school and came with me in my young adult years. I can recall many times where my anxiety and worry has prevented me from experiencing the fullness of a moment and even hindered some of the relationships and friendships that I hold so near and dear to my heart. There have been many sleepless nights with my mother throughout my teenage years (thank the Lord for her patience and understanding) crying for no reason, worrying about my future, creating situations in my head, and the worst one.. imagining someone giving me the tragic news that my parents or brother suddenly passed away. These were real life thoughts that have haunted me for over about 13 years!! THIRTEEN YEARS!!! I went to the doctor and was prescribed medicine that was on for I want to say 3 years? I went to counseling. I talked to my friends and family who gave me advice. So many things I tried. But nothing really seemed to help. It got worse and worse and when it felt like it was getting better I would slip right into it again. It was a vicious cycle and I thought I would never be able to escape it.
But then God.
In 2015 I met him in a bedroom with tears streaming down my face reading his Living Word. I met him at a time in my life where my heart was shattered and broken into what felt like a million pieces. I met him when I had no where else to go. I met him in a bedroom that was filled with confusion, chaos, and what felt like no hope for my future.
Did my healing from anxiety come right away? No. But it came on HIS timing.
I started immersing myself into a church, a young adult ministry, serving every Sunday, joining a small group, church events, and throwing myself out there for friendship with anyone I came into contact with. In small group we were reading Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” It says it right there!! Do. Not. Worry. So much easier said than done. My small group teacher told us it was a sin to worry. Well that made me feel great..lol. But it gave me hope that maybe one day.. one day I will overcome my every day battle with anxiety. Then I heard a sermon about healing how the Lord wants to, can, and will heal you from any sickness, disease, disorders, the list goes on and on. I heard over and over how Jesus died for that very thing I was struggling with on the cross. He died and rose again so didn’t have to endure it any longer. And that was so hard for me to wrap my head around. Why would he do that for me? I just didn’t understand it because I’m such a mess. And if I’m honest I never thought the Lord would heal my broken heart and deliver me from my anxiety. I believed he could for other people but not for me.
Fast forward to May 16, 2018. This day was my interview with a woman named Tayler from Adventure in Missions that works for the World Race. I wasn’t nervous and I didn’t really spend a lot of time praying over the conversation because I knew I would be given the words to speak. Let me just tell how amazing and powerful our God is!!! (I wish you could hear me say that because I would be yelling in excitment) During that conversation which felt like a few minutes was actually over an hour.. Heaven came down and HE DELIVERED ME FROM MY ANXIETY!!! It still is so crazy to say that having lived in those chains for 13 years, because I thought I would be in them forever. It is not coincidental that he took it from me before going on this 11 month mission trip.
I have a lot of friends and family who struggle with this every day battle and my prayer is that this serves as some sort of encouragement and hope for you. God wants us to live a life of abundance and fullness (John 10:10) Friend there is hope for you! And his name is Jesus! God is love and there is no fear in love and perfect love cast out fear. Healing is here, it is now, it is Jesus. And I promise you your prayer will come to fruition if you are expectant and believe that God WILL do it. It may not come in the way you were thinking but God does answer prayers. And if he doesn’t answer it, he is still good.
I feel like a whole new person, revived, renewed, and finally ALIVE! I live every day in in peace with whatever comes. I live in Freedom.
Thank you for reading,
-Lauren
