Our host in Rwanda was an incredible man. A heart of gold. A man who spends his free time in the Bible. Who pulled each of us aside and would encourage us in any way that he could and point us back to Jesus. I looked at him as my father.
For the month of June we were encouraged to think of who we want to be as a person when we go home. One of the things that came to mind was be a better daughter to my parents. Let me be the first to admit I have a pretty bad track record of a bad attitude, disrespect, lack of self awareness, and no gratitude towards them. Growing up I was a selfish teenager who was stubborn and wanted everything to go her way or it was the end of the world. I didn’t care about the way others were feeling but how I felt. It was me. me. me. It was take. take. take. Never wanting to meet in the middle or hear the other person because I was always right. I was selfish and inconsiderate. This might be a little over exaggereated but looking back this is how I see old Lauren and I’m sure the rest of my family would agree.
I don’t want to be her anymore.
I want to be the daughter who love unconditionally the way they have loved me.
I want to be the daughter who forgives the way the have forgiven me for all my past.
I want to be the daughter who talks to them with grace and love.
I want to be the daughter who accepts them for who they are and encourage them to grow.
I want to be the daughter that they are proud of.
Being in a tight knit community has helped and forced me to work on being more self aware with my attitude, my facial expressions, my tone of voice, what I’m complaining about, etc. I think you get the point. My point is they point out my blind spots, they notice a difference when I’m off and ask why.
This is an every day refinement, taking out the things that are unhealthy for relationships. I don’t have it all figured out and I’m not perfect, but that’s not an excuse to not at least try. I think it’s important to do a self reflection and see what you can be doing better in your relationships. Ask the people who are around you where they see you could be doing better.
Mom and Dad,
I love you and I hope that in Ethiopia you see a little glimpse of the better daughter I am trying to become.
