It’s been a while since I last blogged, but hopefully it’s worth it. I’ve been on the race for eight and this 8th month has been so good. I rode an elephant, rafted a river, ate grasshoppers and silk worms, walked in a rice field, discovered strawberry-pineapple-cantaloupe smoothies, explored a cave, and learned how to cook pad thai. But all that is nothing compared to what God has been showing me and teaching me. Even in all this grandness God continues to humble me in the best way. I have seen eight beautiful countries and I have met even more amazing people who are doing big things for the kingdom of God. They are Americans who have moved far way from home because God said go, they are local men and women who have a passion for their own countries, they are shepherds and cattlemen who understand the power or prayer, they are people who fight against all odds to see healing physically and spiritually in the most unreachable places. But all these people have the same thing in common……. the Gospel. The Gospel though it is spoken in so many different languages is still the good news everywhere. And I don’t say that to be taken lightly, but to be real with you I have been taking it lightly. I can go through a day without feeling the gospel’s impact or even seeing how it effects me. Sometimes I don’t even think about it. I took a wise teammate to show me this fact about myself, when she was in grief over her sins in comparison to the grace of God. She let the gospel have its impact on her. Although I have been on the race for 8 months and God has done so much in me, I still have so much to learn and it starts with realizing I don’t take the gospel for everything it is. I take it as truth then walk on while, people are standing behind it and fighting for it with their lives. Why??
Because they feel the full weight of the gospel. And again to be honest sometimes I think I never have let myself feel it. But no more! I do not want to fake it anymore. My testimony is full of people pleasing and getting my identity from what people thought about me. So I am trained at disguising who I am so people can see what I think should be the good version of me. It’s one that looks like I have it all together. I can give you the answers you want to hear. When I was younger it was just being the good girl and being perceived that way in the church. Now and even on the race it has been to be the best christian, looking as if I am thriving in my relationship with God. And I can admit from growing up in church I yet again know how to answer to make me look like I am doing what needs to be done. But the fact is God never wanted me to have the best relationship status with Him, all he wants is me!
And the awesome thing is he wants the dirty awful true me who has nothing to bring to him and who definitely doesn’t have all the answers.
He was willing to sacrifice everything for me, and in that He made me His best!! He gave his son as a replacement for me, when I people please he died for me, when I choose my way instead of his he died for me, when I don’t pay attention to him he still died for me. It’s the gospel not just being spoken again by me, but really being felt to the point of movement and change. A change to show people the mess I am and being okay with showing it, because my identity is in Christ! I am sealed! These are facts that I have always heard and knew, but now I want to live it out second by second feeling the weight of the gospel. It’s knowing the sinner I am even in my ways when I feel the need to justify or when I think I do well or am good at things. The point is I am not good the race has also showed me that. God has pointed out all the ways where I felt like I am good at this I can do this but its being stripped of that and seeing myself for who I truly am. I sinner and a filthy rag that needs Jesus and only by his blood am I worth anything .But I thank God that Jesus did die so now I have purpose in Him. And this is the journey I want to always be on is to realize what the gospel means for each new day. No more faking it, not even in the small things.
