Some of my lack-of-blogging has been due to not having a computer anymore. Not having internet right at my fingertips (thank you Africa!) plays a role in it too. But more than anything I just don’t know what to say. I sit down at a computer and stare at the screen for 20 minutes, write a paragraph each of 10 different potential blogs, then give up in frustration because my inability to communicate to anyone, let alone my closest friends and family back home, what my life is really like.
In the Word it commands us to take what we learn and teach others. “Freely you have received, freely give” immediately follows the command in Matthew 10 to “heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons”. I fear not giving God enough of the glory. I don’t mean that in a prideful way; I know that every ounce of energy, every second of sleep, every word of a sermon these days comes directly from the Holy Spirit. I know that I would have succumbed to fatigue, hopelessness, and the enemy way back in Ireland if God didn’t have His strong hand along the small of my back, nudging and encouraging, filling me up with more of Him every step of the way. But I feel like there is so much that needs to go on post-miracle. Mainly, a huge brightly-lit flashing arrow pointing directly to the Father. Every time we encounter a healing, an answered prayer, a deliverance, I feel like I’m 5 years old again yelling “It wasn’t me!” Except this time I’m not avoiding blame, I’m avoiding honor. But how do I attribute all honor to my Father when I can’t find the words?
A new project is in the works. God deserves every ounce of glory and awe created from these miraculous encounters and I just don’t feel like I do a good enough job telling people about how absolutely amazing my God is. Coming on the Race, a verse I clung to was Acts1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere-in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” I am called to be witness. I have received the Holy Spirit and I’m reaching the ends of the earth, now its just time to open my mouth. What good is a witness who doesn’t speak?
Last night I received a prophecy from a teammate that said “It’s as if God has given you a microphone–so you can tell everyone the good news!” If I wasn’t already convicted enough, that definitely lit a fire both underneath and within me. I’m done shying away from proclamation. I’m through keeping the wonders my eyes have seen to myself. I’m picking up my mic and turning up the amp.
A new section of my blog will be entirely devoted to testifying to the glory of God. Through my stories and stories of other Racers I hope it becomes a witness to the nations of the power of the Holy Spirit and reveal the character of God, bringing Him just a bit of the endless honor He deserves. Any blog with the letters “a-g-s” before it will be a testament of God moving somehow through someone on the Race. “ags” stands for “A God Story” (but it also conveniently references my college mascot, the Texas A&M Aggies) and I hope you love reading it as much as I love writing about it.
