There’s been a lot of talk lately about Kingdom dreams. But every time the subject is brought up, I’m left wondering, what is my Kingdom dream? What is the Lord calling me to do to further His kingdom?
Every morning we come together as a team and pray. About a week ago the Lord led Tamica to ask us to just sit in silence for awhile with open ears as to receive whatever the Lord wanted to give us. He gave me a vision.
I’ve had visions before, but rarely are they present or applicable right away. What I mean is that usually they’re more like images or pictures to be interpreted. But this one was different. I pictured the sanctuary of the church we’ve been partnering with in Pula. I was standing in front of the room. The men and women had been separated, the men to my left in a little nook, and the women before me in the main area. And us Racers were the one’s teaching. I felt the men being empowered, built up as the Men of God they are called to be. As for the women, it was all about truth. They were being discipled about the lies of the enemy and some of the ways to tighten the Belt of Truth around their waists.
[Stand firm, then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist…]
I just sat there. I didn’t mention my vision until the end, and even then it was more of an afterthought. But Tamica decided to ask Pastor Daniel about us leading some kind of service. He agreed and said the Youth Service on Friday night was ours.
Not wanting to speak again since I just shared my testimony on Wendesday, I prayed and asked for advice on who should lead. God placed Joel and Matt, and Dez and Danielle on my heart. I’ve been living with the boys so it was easy to ask if they would be willing to lead the men’s time. However Dez and Danielle were harder to seek out and so as of Friday morning it was all me.
I was strangely calm about the situation. I had seen myself speaking so I figured maybe I was supposed to? I have been struggling so much with the spiritual battle in my mind this month that I thought maybe it was all preparation for this night. When I ran into Dez and Danielle Friday morning I mentioned the idea of them leading in passing and both of them, almost immediately, agreed to help and speak to these women.
Going into the night I got more and more nervous. I hadn’t really prepared anything, but I knew that there was something to be said. It’s the first time that I think I’ve allowed the Spirit to actually lead me away from preparing so I’m not worried about sticking to some plan I’ve come up with all by myself. As Tamica sat with two of the church leaders discussing what the night was going to look like, goose bumps prickled up al over when one of them said “I feel the Holy Spirit has a lot in store for us tonight.”
I knew the Lord would use me when I began to despair in worship. This time when normally I’m filled to the brim became a time of pain and concern. Physically the enemy tried to hinder my walking in obedience. First my throat got scratchy. Quite a few people have been feeling sick and we had even prayed for Matt’s throat a little while before, but before then my throat had been great, my voice clear. Along with scratchiness, my throat kept closing. Not enough to choke me, but just enough to cause me to gag every once in awhile. Enough to keep me from worshipping. My head started spinning and aching. Sharp pains shot up and down my back. I felt weak and confused as to what was happening to me. But thankfully God allowed me to recognize what was going on. Like a foe tries to block the path of his enemy, Satan was trying to cripple me and keep me from pressing on. I sunk down in my chair and was led to verses upon verses about strength and health. And when the last song was played before we were to split up, I was able to stand and sing of the Lord’s love for me and my sisters.
Nothing about that night was me. I don’t even remember what words came out of my mouth. I remember feeling defeated and like I was rambling, but my sisters here have done such a great job reminding me that its often right before/after the Lord uses us that the enemy attacks the hardest. All I know is that at least one person was up-lifted by that night. And to me, that’s enough. I didn’t have anything to do with what was planned and what went down, but the Lord allowed me to be a vessel for making it happen. So even though my vision was small in comparison to what other people might envision of dream about their role in the Kingdom-bringing we’ve been called to, the Lord was faithful in fulfilling it. He allowed me to dream and within days made it come true.
