So I GO

After graduating high school becoming a wedding planner was the goal.

I took the right classes in college and started the right internship = the dream career (for me). Boom. I would (in no particular order) get married, start my own business, start a family. Go, go, go. 

I’m leaving for the World Race this year. Not because I had a crazy epiphany that I need to travel around the world. Not because it was part of my plan. Not because I’ve always felt called to missions. It is for the pure glory of our Lord. He has commanded us to make disciples. So I go, I obey.

I started to notice that I was really restless at work. I didn’t know how that could be when I had the perfect job. I was irritated that it wasn’t everything I had hoped it would be for so long. Had I done something wrong? Taken a wrong turn somewhere? 

Last Easter I went to our Good Friday service at church during my lunch break. I was thinking I’d enjoy a light sermon/pick me up and then head back to work. Nope. The Lord spoke to me in a way that moved me to tears. “My darling, it’s time you see what I’ve been trying to show you.” 

Our God has such a glorious and majestic way of showing us His truths, doesn’t He? With crazy timing. 

I mention the tears because I don’t cry very often. If anything can bring me to tears it would be God, saying..”You’re right, you have been restless. You have been restless because you did not once lay your career decisions at my feet. You have been restless because you rely on your own understanding, not Mine. You have been restless because I have a different plan for you than you’ve had for yourself. It’s a path I’ve been so excited to lay before you.” 

Geez, I’ve gotta head back to work now God. 

I felt everything in that moment. Shock, confusion, guilt, comfort, and straight up irritation.

Confused. What the heck do I do now? Irritated. Seriously God, you had to mess up this ‘perfect on paper’ plan? Guilt. Now I see I’ve tried to get here by my own means. Shock. Today, really? You better have something really great up your sleeve. 

Please tell me some of you have felt like that? 

I was also comforted that our Lord, who is far greater than our understanding, has a more perfect plan that will take me farther than my human mind could allow me to go. If I’ll let Him do His thing. 

I was anxious to move forward, let’s get the show on the road. In true Type-A style…”Alright God, You’ve revealed it, so what now? What’s the plan?”

I looked into everything I could think of to see this plan start flowin – non-profit jobs – the Peace Corps – quitting my job and just hanging out while I listened for God. 

I got nothing.

I didn’t feel lead to anything. God must be waiting for something. Why would He say “go” and then have me wait around?

God wants our hearts to be in the right place. A place that He can present opportunities and we are willing. A place where I, personally, stop focusing so much on my selfish ways and focus on how much I need Him. His provision, His grace, His plan. A place where I rely solely on Him.

The World Race is His first step to my true dependence on Him. I know this because I have already been trying to plan everything and God continues to show me it’s impossible. Yes, I know He had a Father/Daughter talk with me, but give me a break, planning is what I’m good at. 

I will be broken down until I am vulnerable beyond hiding. I will be challenged not only by God, but by the new family I have with my squad. I have already been stripped of any plan I had for myself. My plans will continue to be stripped down until I remember that everything happens through Him, for Him, and because of Him. The thought of obeying isn’t frustrating anymore because I expect change. I expect God to show himself in ways beyond my human understanding. I expect Him to show me things, other than planning, that I delight in doing. 

To say I’m not nervous would be lying. To say I feel adequate enough wouldn’t be true at all either. I just want show love to the nations, not a worldly love, but Jesus’ love. For that I know that God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. To say I’m ready for Him to rock my world…well, let’s do it.