If we’re being honest, I’ve wanted to give up on this journey.
The glamor of the World Race is long gone.
For the past few months I’ve been stuck in a rut.
If we’re being honest, I haven’t been giving it 100% lately.
I’ve been tired. I’ve been weak. I’ve been human.
I’ve given into my flesh.
I’ve given into the mindset of “going through the motions.”
I’ve gotten used to the routine of packing, unpacking, moving around, and losing sight of it all.
I’ve let Satan make me comfortable. I’ve let him make me indifferent.
My plow is apathy. And I’ve let him give me a false sense of it.
If we’re being honest, I made a countdown of how many days we have til we go home.
Is this honoring to God?
Is this what His great plan for me is?
Is this what He’s called me to?
I can firmly say hell no to that.
If we’re being honest, I came on this race to fight for the forgotten.
I wanted to be a voice for those who had their own taken from them.
I wanted to literally be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I wanted to make earth as it is in Heaven.
We have five months left. I’m left reflecting if I’ve really done anything so far.
Then I’m reminded, no, Lauren, sorry, you haven’t.
Because it’s not me. It can’t be me.
If it’s just me it’s no wonder I’ve felt this way.
If I rely on my own strength, I am sure to stumble.
If I rely on God’s strength, I am sure to carry out His will.
We are finishing up month 6 debrief in Malawi, where thanks to a surprise route change we are so blessed to remain in this country for the month.
The Lord is moving through J Squad. He is. I’m hearing the stories and seeing the fruit of it. His will is being done through us even though we’ve been weak, foolish, and selfish. He’s still getting glory. That’s the beauty of it all. He uses the broken to bring kingdom.
If we’re being honest, I’m broken. I’m tattered and torn. I’m dirty. At one of our worship sessions during debrief God gave me a vision of our squad in the “Island of Misfit Toys” from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
We looked messy. We were the least worthy. We were the dirty, the scarred, the abused, the confused, the led astray by His worst enemy, and the castaways.
But He chose us. He chose to fix us, spend time with us, and love on us until we shined. His love shines in us. It shined so that it covered up all of our stains and cracks until we had forgotten that we ever had them.
He gave me the verse “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” – Colossians 1:21-22
If we’re being honest, these defects, these blemishes don’t matter anymore.
Nothing does.
Except Him.
I have five months left on the World Race. Five months.
Five months until I am “home.”
Five months left to complete God’s will for me in Malawi, Swaziland, Romania, Moldova, and Ireland.
If we’re being honest, five months is not a long time.
I have no idea what these next five months will look like.
I don’t have a right to know.
If we’re being honest, what I do know is that God called me to be present while I’m here.
I’m going to start doing a better job of doing that.
I’m going to start living each day seeking out whatever my bridegroom has in store for me.
I’m going to start letting Him use my brokenness to bring glory to His name.
