I love having long hair. Plain and simple.
(Disclaimer: If you’re already considering skipping this post given the opening statement, know that this post is about far more than my hair and how much I love it.)
In fact, I love having long hair SO MUCH that I cut it off.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I probably never thought such a day would come. Anyone who knows me well knows that my hair is my favorite thing about myself. And anyone who knows me well knows that I sometimes have a hard time with surrender.
My hair had become a safety net I would hide behind and a tool I would use to obtain those empty affirmations I have spoken of in the past. It had become a false image of what I thought made me beautiful. It had become the object that I seemed to care most about. It had become an idol.
Hear me out here. Long hair has not always been an idol for me. And it is certainly not an idol for all women. In fact, 1 Corinthians even says that a woman’s long hair is her glory.
But the glory had disappeared for me the minute I declared my worth in the length of my hair. The glory faded when I decided that any beauty I had was derived by those long, wavy locks instead of by the very simple but truest thought that I am HIS creation, and THAT ALONE is what makes me beautiful. As I clung to the sense of worth I believed my hair brought me, something far more precious was dying inside. For a moment came when this realization struck me cold, but I pushed it aside, feeling physically unable to imagine beauty and worth in myself without that hair. And what began to happen was a daily series of small deaths wherein I refused to surrender to the Lord the one thing I felt made me ME. Each day I refused to surrender, my strength dwindled a little bit. For I was making a quiet declaration to the Lord that I did not believe he made me good.
Until one day, in a moment of sweetest surrender, I declared: Jesus, I love you more. I love you more than I love this hair. I love you more than I love these empty affirmations that actually end up draining the life from my soul. I love you more than this wall I am hiding behind that makes me feel safe. And I believe that you made me good.
So I cut my hair. 12 inches. And some other little girl will get to experience, if even for a little while, the true glory of that long hair.
Every day is about surrender. Every day is about asking the Lord to show me how he made me good. But as my head got a little bit lighter, so did my heart, as I was once again reminded of the precious worth that is derived in my very existence as His daughter.
(To many, my hair is still considered long. This picture is after twelve inches have been cut off. It is short to me 🙂 )
I leave for Atlanta on September 6th and then China on September 10th. The time is approaching quickly-all that my squad, family, friends and I have been preparing for. Praise the Lord, O my soul.
Financial update: I have raised about $11,000 with monthly support and one-time donations. I still have about $4,500 to go. The Lord is good and faithful, and I trust Him. If you feel led to contribute, you can click the "Financial Support" link on the left-hand side.
Requests for Prayer: (1) A smooth transition from living at home to living with my squad. (2) Safe travels and good health! (3) For His name to be glorified throughout the whole process.
My internet access may be spotty throughout the next 11 months. If you are interested, please subscribe to this blog by entering your email address on the left-hand side. You will receive an email each time I update. Thank you!
With so much love and gratitude:
Lauren
