In two days, my soul sister Mel will be driving me to the Milwaukee airport. At 10 AM, my flight will take off. And at 12:54 PM, I will land in Atlanta to be greeted at the Atlanta Bread Company by people I’m certain will be full of the joy of the Lord, welcoming me and numerous others to training camp. I can see it now, the laughter, the smiles, the hugs from strangers. These are all things that fill me up with a peace that overwhelms my heart. That is a reason to smile, right?
Yet, my heart is in turmoil right now. My pack remains unpacked. My clothes remain unwashed. And my fear is nearly crippling. Why am I so afraid? Why. Because I’m ready for this. I’m ready for a radical change of heart. I’m ready to face my fears, fears that run so profoundly deep, and perhaps that is why this battle rages in my soul. Because for twenty-two years, I have sought comfort in empty affirmations, and I know with every fiber of my being that that is no longer working.
Jesus. I speak it softly . . . now.
And I am ready. And this fear, this fear that exceeds my very comprehension, it has no place with me any longer. This week of training camp-it will bring freedom. Yes. I am ready.
