so team fugee was on the move yesterday. we are now officially done with digging our fish ponds and we are now currently staying on what looks like a tobacco farm.. we are staying in the coolest little tree house ever.. loaded with accommodations like no power.. squatty potty.. sleeping mats on the floor.. and dont forget mosquito nets! across the street is the GEMS school that we will be repairing.. supposedly we are fixing the roof and painting… but we will see.. things always seem to be changing.
i have really enjoyed my time in nepal so far, the hard work during the day has allowed our team to get closer- which has been great because its has allowed me to open up and tell the team my testimony.. but not only my testimony, all the ugly stuff too.. the things i keep to myself.. the issues i so conveniently shove under the rough.. my past.. my struggles.. my trials.. hardships.. ughh just the stuff you dont want anyone else knowing.. with the help of my team i have been able to take off my mask.
towards the end of the first month in india i had a very distinct moment with the lord.. everyone else had walked into town and i decided to stay back. so i got in the most amazing hammock ever, grabbed my mac, watched a little francis chan sermon, took a nap and when i woke up had an overwhelming sense to “GO THERE” with my team.. and i instantly said umm God that is stuff between you and me i would rather not “GO THERE” with these people.. i have only known them for like a month. i was immediately over the conversation.. and thought maybe if i fell back asleep i could escape what the Lord was asking me to do.. but i was wrong. as soon as i closed my eyes the Lord just flooded my mind with the exact things i had to come out and be vocal about with the team. i knew once we got settled in our ministry in nepal i would have to spue. i opened my eyes and said “ok God i know what you want me to do.. but im scared.. im not ready.. and i dont want to… help me be obedient in this.. change my desire.. take away the fear i have of rejection and of their opinions.. ” and i kinda just left it at that.. so that night in team time i told them that there are things i need to tell them but im not ready and that i just needed them to be praying that my heart would change because right now im sitting in my own stubbornness and to be honest im putting the fear i have of man over the fear of the Lord- Galatians 1:10 calls me out big time saying ” am i now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? or am i trying to please men? if i were still trying to please men, i would not be a servent of Christ.” so the second night in nepal i went there.. i told them the good, the bad and the ugly… regardless of reaction of my teammates i laid everything out on the line. that night was the most uncomfortable night i have have had here on the race.. just being vulnerable in front of people is something thats hard for me.. but i cant even begin to explain how stinkin nice it is to have the 5 people you live with know absolutely everything about you.. and LOVE you regardless and just speak life over you! its only the beginning.. i know God has huge things in store for myself and team fugee. i feel like im on my way to really tasting freedom and breaking from the bondage of caring what others think about me.. i have always had such a terrifying fear of what others thoughts and opinions are of me…always letting those thoughts and opinions weigh heavily on me and shape me but to know that i am on the up and up.. that i am finding my worth in christ.. that i am finding my identity in him.. to truly be able to say that i only care about pleasing God.. THATS FREEDOM FOR ME!* so pray that i continue to walk this out.. that i have just begun to scratch the surface of who i am in Jesus and that he will continue to mold me into the women of God he has destined me to be!!!
Psalm 86 11-13
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that i may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; i will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
LAUREN
