I am not perfect.
I am perfectly made but I am no where near perfect.
My whole life I have lived under the bondage of others opinions, constantly comparing myself to others and walking on eggshells to please everyone. Make people like me because who I am isn’t good enough, isn’t smart enough, isn’t strong enough, isn’t cool enough, etc… Trying to keep it cool. Remain in control so you look like you have it together. Fit in, be relatable and be all things to all people. Adapt. Survive. When you are in survival mode you are selfish, greedy, and narrow minded. You are unable to love fully in a life giving way because you are trying take or benefit as much as you can so that you are satisfied and trust me, that satisfied feeling doesn’t last long.
Well, the good thing about knowing Jesus is that he is enough. He knows all things. He is strong enough. He is relatable. He is all things to all people. He is cool. I guess I’m just tired. I’m tired of living under others expectations and standards for my life. I’m tired of living under my own expectations and standards for my life. I want to live by God’s expectations and standards, and if that means that people won’t like me or the decisions I make as I walk in obedience to the LORD, then so be it. I am only called to obey the Lord by being who he created me to be. Not who others think I should be or who I think I should be. I did not create myself and cannot create myself. I am not God. I am to accept, receive, and embrace who GOD created me to be whether I agree with it or not. He changes my heart with truth. I am not the creator. I am the created. It is a humbling thing anytime you say yes in obedience to the LORD. Each time I say yes there is attachment pain because I am slowly detaching myself from the way I have always been and embracing the truth of who God created me to be. That is why it is hard and painful to follow the LORD. But when we embrace the pain, embrace death to ourselves and choose to trust God, we are reborn and given new life because of Jesus denying himself to save us so we could live. He was obedient. I have joy and am satisfied in trusting God. He receives me in my imperfections, weaknesses, and brokenness because God is perfect and his love is unfailing. Even though it’s hard, obedience is what he calls me to and I am honored to follow him. I am so thankful for Jesus.
