If I’m being honest, it’s very possible that over the course of the last 3 weeks, I have experienced every emotion I know of up to this point in my life. It has been beautiful and draining. It also looks like next time I ask to be broken, I suppose I should be more careful what I wish for.
Since I’ve arrived, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what kind of life God wanted me to live. Believe it or not, that was painfully exhausting – the wondering part, that is. Our mentor sent us a podcast to listen to as a team called the Oar and the Sail (the link is below if you’d like to listen yourself – I highly suggest this). One of the things that stuck out to me was when the pastor was telling his son that if he asked him what his father wanted from him, the pastor would probably just simply reply, “just listen to the few things I’ve asked you to do and then enjoy your life.”
**Disclaimer: I just finished reading Love Does and if you know Bob Goff, you’ll be quick to forgive some of the radical things in this post that come from the ‘adventure high’ reading that book sends you on. Or you might realize that there’s a scary good chance he’s right about some stuff. Who knows.
If the pastor is right, then life is pretty simple. Love people, love God. Sounds good to me. But oh the struggle of wanting to live simply as much as I want to do ALL THE THINGS…SO MANY THINGS (and don’t even act like all you adventure-seekers don’t agree). Perhaps we should live simply in the sense of being at peace with ourselves as we go out into the world doing all the things. So many things. During our team time a few nights ago, it came up that “it’s enough to live a life that sets an example” is actually trash and after, we were reminded that if no one had told us about the gospel, we wouldn’t be believers today. So while it’s uber-important to be bold and vocal, there’s something to be said about living a life that just flat out makes people wonder.
I think we spend a whole lot of time wondering how we’re going to know what our calling is rather than realizing that God gave us passions for a reason, and we should just go after all the things we love giving Him credit for all of it and using every opportunity to build the kingdom. How much time do we spend wondering what kind of life we’re supposed to live and cowering down because we’re comfortable? How much time do we spend learning to live with the things that Jesus died to take away? Why aren’t we living like the free, full-of-the-joy-of-the-Lord people that we are?
Although a bit embarrassing to admit, my number one goal in high school was to be the coolest person that at least one person knew. It led me to do and say and start and finish things that I never really wanted to, but soon became who I was and I didn’t know how to redefine ‘cool’. For the first time, I’m realizing that the desires for that kind of ‘cool’ are gone and that now I want to be the kind of cool that goes out and sees change happen. And I don’t want to do any of it without Him.
I had a teacher once ask me if it was a sin if I had the money to go out and discover the world God made and all the people in it, and then use that money for literally anything else. I don’t know how to answer him. But I do know that if I didn’t at least have the desire embedded in me to want to do those things, then something wasn’t right. If we’re really, truly free, let’s live like it.
I don’t mean to downplay the brokenness of the world or push under the rug the reality of pain. It’s all brutally real, but our role in the story isn’t of mourners or wishers, but that of doers. Imagine all of what we encompass when we live as free as we are to fight that pain with a strength that is good. Imagine what God could do through us when we give him the space to work by letting go of everything that doesn’t belong in lovers and kingdom builders.
When I left for the race, so many people told me that it didn’t make sense. But when you really think about it, nothing about the gospel makes any sense. Nothing about a God who created an entire earth knowing it would be evil and wanting to continue to love it anyway to the point of sending His child to literally die for it makes any sense. I guess that’s why it takes faith and a bunch of radical people who understand the importance of actions and the value of loving people.
“…You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in hand.” James 2:18 MSG
So I’ve thought about it. And then I thought about it a lot more. And I realized I’ll never understand how ‘…God so loved the (whole!!!!! entire!!!!!) world’. And then I realized I want to spend my whole entire life trying to do the same exact thing.
