This past week I went to training camp and two things happened:
- I experienced spiritual warfare and attacks from the devil like I never have before
- I experienced God’s love for me in the most incredible and real way that I ever have
When I arrived at camp I couldn’t have been more excited to meet my squad and to get started on what is sure to be one of the greatest journeys of my life. Little did I know that the couple of days ahead of me were to be some of the hardest and longest I’ve experience. I’ve heard over and over again at church that when God is about to do something big in your life, the devil will attack you in attempt to keep you from what God has in store. I’ve even experienced this a little before. But not like this. The devil overwhelmed me with so many negative emotions and lies. He made me feel so anxious and terrified it took everything in me to keep from bursting into tears. I have never in my life felt homesick and he made me want to jump in my car and drive as fast as I could to my bed where I could just hide under my covers from all the fear. He made sure I knew every thing I was giving up. He was yelling in my ear “You are not capable of doing this”, “You have bitten off more than you can chew and you will fail”, “You won’t make it, you are so stupid for thinking you could do this”. And the worst part? I believed every word and I let the enemy drag me down into the depths of his pit of lies.
Want to know the good news? I have an INCREDIBLE God who loves me more than anything and refuses to let me stay in that horrible pit. At the peak of my break down, one of my squad leaders came up to me out of the blue and asked how I was and if I needed to talk. When we had walked away from the group I asked her how she knew. She replied “God told me.” After what felt like a hours of crying, talking, and her praying over me I started to feel a lot better. However, it wasn’t until later that night when it clicked, God ran after me. I was in a very low place, feeling hopeless and overwhelmed, and God loves me so much that he literally ran after me, using my leader as a vessel, to rescue me.
The next day I woke up feeling pretty good until about halfway through the day when another wave of overwhelming emotions and lies came over me. The devil clearly wasn’t going to give up so easily. This time I received prayer from multiple people, all commanding the devil to leave me alone in Jesus’ name and praying for God’s love, peace, and freedom to be poured over me. The result? I haven’t felt this at peace or free in a very long time. I also haven’t felt ANY of the horrible feelings or lies since. It was incredible. Two days in a row God used the people around me to show me how much He loves and cares about me.
I still can’t believe it. God literally REACHED down into the dark horrible pit I was trapped in, He lovingly wrapped His arms around me, and He pulled me out and placed me safely in His glorious presence. My heart is now overwhelmed and full with the astounding love of my Savior.
And it gets better, my Heavenly Father didn’t stop there. He replaced all of the devil’s lies with his truth. He lovingly told me “I have called you to do this and I have prepared you”, “I am with you through everything and with my strength and power you can do ANYTHING”, “I love you more than you will ever understand and there is NOTHING you could ever do to change that, “I will always be here for you with open arms.” How wonderful is that?!
I’ve always known that God loves me so much, but this was the first time I experienced it in such a real way. It has changed and grown my faith in ways I never expected. I couldn’t be more excited to embark on the journey in front of me. I know the year ahead will have many more bumps and many more attacks from the enemy. But I also know that my God is stronger and very capable of getting me through anything and everything the devil throws at me.
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand” Psalm 40:2
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, [nothing] will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:37-39
“I chose you and appointed you to go a bear fruit – fruit that will last” John 15:16
