“Life begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone” has been one of my favorite quotes since I first read it my senior year of high school. Whenever I read it I always thought about doing crazy things like bungee jumping or skydiving. Things that involved living life to the fullest and not letting fear get in the way of having amazing experiences.
Recently, it has come to have a much deeper meaning in my spiritual journey. This week my squad talked about insecurities, lies we believed, and fears. God revealed to me a lie that I had bought into. I have come to believe the lie that God can’t use me to have an impact, help others, or to make a difference in people’s lives. This has created insecurity and fear in me. I’m afraid to speak life into my team because I feel like I can’t help them grow or see God working in their lives. I’m afraid to preach at a church service because I’m afraid that my words will be ineffective and I won’t be able to show people God’s love or truth. I even ignored God when I felt called to pray over a woman because I was afraid to face the language barrier. I was afraid she’d look at me like I was crazy. I was afraid my prayers couldn’t help her.
My squad talked about how fear is ultimately a lack of trust. In may case, I’m not trusting God with the full control of my life. I’m not trusting that I am God’s hands and feet, that I am a vessel for God to use to bring His love to people.
We discussed that to overcome fear, you have to step out in faith and face your fears. For me, this meant answering God’s call to preach at a church service my team was scheduled to lead on Sunday. When I finally accepted what God laid on my heart, it was pounding a million times a minute. I was so nervous just thinking about it. Preaching is literally one of the things I am most terrified to do on the race.
I’m afraid to put everything into His hands because what if it doesn’t go how I think it should? What if my definition of success or changing someone’s life isn’t met? I’m learning it’s not about my plan. It’s not about my will. I have NO control in the situation. God knows who will hear my message. He intimately knows the hearts of the people who will be there. In my eyes, it my message may fail. But God can use ANYTHING for His glory. I just have to trust that that includes me.
Well, I ended up not preaching Sunday. I’m not sure of the reason it didn’t work out but it left me feeling disappointed and a little frustrated. I felt like maybe the words I had to say really weren’t important. I felt like I had put all this work and effort into facing my fears for nothing. This is when God and my team encouraged me. They reminded me that it wasn’t for nothing. I obeyed the call God gave me. I faced my fear with everything I had in me, with everything in my heart. It may not have turned out successful in the way I thought or hoped it would. But it is a victory against the enemy. I didn’t let him stop me from stepping out in faith. I didn’t let him hold me back. I didn’t let his lies control my life. I stepped out in faith. I believed in God’s truth. I believed in God’s promises. I gave God control.
My worldly definition of success was not met. But God’s version of success was. And that is way better than anything because His plan is being fulfilled instead of mine. His glory is being met instead of mine. And that is always the better option. I may not have preached, but I came closer to defeating the devil’s lies. I came closer to fully trusting my wonderful and faithful God. I expanded my comfort zone. And that is amazing.
