Recently I discovered some bitterness in my heart that I never knew existed. It was towards two people from my past and over something that, honestly, is a little silly. But I was pretty angry about it. I took it to God and started venting out my feelings to Him. I knew there was probably a deeper root to my anger, and I Knew He could reveal it to me.
My venting led me to a place I didn’t expect – asking God what He wanted for me in the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with. He gave me a pretty awesome little list of His desires for me. I loved everything He told me, but as I read it I realized something. I didn’t believe a word. The existence of this person seems like a fairytale. My heart just doesn’t believe he exists…there is no way.
After I wrote out my doubts about what God gave me, I realized I’m putting God in a very small box. This is the God who created the universe and the world and everything in it. And I don’t think He can create this man? Really?
I also realized that by not believing in God’s best for me, I’m not trusting that He really loves me. Would God really show me what His desire for me is and then keep it from me? Would he really make me settle for something less? Of course not! He loves me so much and wants me to have His best. But I’ll forfeit what He has for me if I don’t believe in His power and love.
God is working in my heart as I choose to believe. Believe in His best, which He has for me. Really believe in His love for me. And believe in His timing, that this person will come into my life when it will glorify God the most. I’ll be honest, it still seems like a fantasy to me, something that won’t actually happen. But I’m growing in faith day by day.
I’ve been absolutely amazed to discover how the ability to receive God’s love affects every aspect of life. If you can’t truly receive love from God, you won’t be able to really receive love from others. And if you don’t love God, you won’t ever really know how to love others well. God IS love. And our relationship with Him is the only way to learn how to receive and give that love. I know that through this experience, God will show me so much of His love for me and He will align my heart with what my mind already knows and His will. And I know that as I continue to learn about His love for me and as I fall in love with Him, I will grow to believe His promises fully.
