Being broken is very hard and very painful. In moments of brokenness there is nothing I want to do more than take the easy road and just run as far away from it as I possibly can. But if we take the easy way out, we spend our lives living in the hurt and living in the past. We can never receive our healing unless we persevere and push into the brokenness. We have to choose to go deeper.
The other week, when I woke up, my heart was in so much spiritual pain. I had been waiting for God to speak into my heart since Bolivia. The brokenness was weighing very heavily on me and I was just plain tired. Tired of waiting, tired of being patient, tired of being in the hurt and pain. I broke down harder than I ever have before. I sat on our bedroom floor literally sobbing to some of my teammates. It was the hardest place I’ve been in. But in that moment I finally broke down the walls and went straight to the heart of everything. I was finally honest with God and myself about the root of everything I have been dealing with and God blessed this moment in an INCREDIBLE way.
God spoke to me very clearly through one of my teammates, she got up and grabbed her devotional and read the entry from that day. It was about how people constantly pray to God for things He has already promised us and how absolutely ridiculous it is to pray for what already is. The message to me was clear: It’s not about asking Him to give you what He’s already promised. It’s about choosing to believe you already have what’s been promised.
This concept has already changed everything and it has brought me so much healing. I now wake up every morning and say to God, “Lord, today I choose to believe your promises and your truth. Today I choose to fall in love with you even more.” I also repeat it before I go to sleep at night and I’ve said it randomly throughout the day when I’ve felt the devil trying to bring me back to where I was.
The promises I’ve specifically chosen to believe are Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 3:20 (given below). I honestly have no idea what my life is going to look like in the future. I have had ideas about what I’ve desperately wanted to happen, but I’m choosing to surrender the control and trust in God’s truth that He wants what’s BEST for me. Although it may not be what I think I want now, His way will ultimately bring me more joy and be better than anything I could possibly imagine.
There is so much power and strength in choosing to believe what God has said, especially when you don’t feel it. Making your feelings follow your choices instead of the other way around is very powerful and God will bless it. He’s given me so much healing! I’ve started to really surrender everything I was afraid to let go of and I’ve given the forgiveness I needed to give. But most importantly I’ve felt God’s love overwhelming and flooding my heart in ways I’ve never experienced before! Because of this my heart is going from being closed, hard, and numb to soft, vulnerable, and open. It’s absolutely incredible. I am in complete awe of God’s faithfulness. God is so so so good!
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” Declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”
Ephesians 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us”
Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful”
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”
