It’s a gift… Right?!?!

These past 3 months I have been battling God. He has given
me a gift, a gift I don’t want to tell people about, a gift that will help many
people, a gift if I embrace it can be a great tool used to bring people to
Christ. My gift from God is… singleness.

In Ecuador, my first month on the race, I felt Jesus
approach me and whisper to me, “I am your Husband.” I awkwardly told my team
and thought “how sweet.” Yet, I had a fear in me thinking Jesus was saying He
was my ONLY husband.

Within these past 2 months I have prayed whether God wants
me to live a life of singleness for Him. I have finally broke down and accepted
His answer is YES. It could be a yes for a couple of years, a yes for 10 years,
or a yes forever. I don’t know which yes it is but it is a yes.

Today our whole squad is in LaPaz, Bolivia and we are
leaving for Albania in Eastern Europe in the morning.  So as a group we had a time of worship. As the
songs came along the more I cried, “I don’t want to be single! I want a
husband, I want what all my other friends have. Why me? I want someone to love
and someone to love me.” I curled up on the floor crying in the middle of
worship.

In my vulnerable state God spoke softly. “Lauren, I love
you, more than anyone else can. I have plans for your life. These plans are
something you will desire when you know them, plans I know you want, but you
can’t do with a husband. This time right now, this pain, is only me preparing
you and your heart  for OUR new adventure.”

So I did it. I said I will do it. God, I will accept the
calling you have put on my life. I will take this gift and use it for your
kingdom because you are a good God, because you know me better than anyone
else, because I want to follow you all my life.

I know it won’t be easy for me to give up my thoughts of a
family and husband the way I pictured it but, something tells me I will have
many children and a family who truly loves me. J