“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 2:9
Growing up I was blessed enough to have parents who valued the importance of being involved in church. I went through/participated in Awana, Children’s choir, GA’s, Acteens camp, youth camp, the whole shebang! When you are a part of so many groups it is inevitable that you will hear testimony after testimony of how God worked in the life of those who sought after Him. Most testimonies I heard involved some huge tragic event or some massive mistake made by the teller of the story who eventually turned from sin or overcame their grief and found Jesus standing with arms wide open at the end of the tunnel.
I had a pretty great childhood. My family had its ups and downs but overall, I really didn’t have much to complain about growing up. I was a pretty decent kid, I did well in school, had good friends, and stayed involved and plugged in all through high school without making any huge typical teenage “mistakes”. I can remember so many times listening to a testimony and thinking that I didn’t have one because my story wasn’t one of loss or major disobedience. YET.
I can remember so vividly having thoughts of how I wouldn’t be able to sit in front of a group of girls and tell them how I overcame temptation and God redeemed me. Or how I went through a catastrophic tragedy and God saw me through. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t HOPING for any of those things to happen. I just thought that God couldn’t use me in the way He was using these men and women who spoke to me with these kinds of backgrounds. I was hugely mistaken there, and through His faithfulness God showed me how very much He could use me and did all through high school.
And then, I lost my way.
I went from the really great kid who thought she had no testimony to the troubled young adult who had plenty to share but wasn’t quite yet to that “and God helped me overcome” part.
Committing to this trip and succumbing to the fact that I would be leaving home for 11 months was HARD. But even with how difficult that was, that was the easy part.
When we begin to be obedient to the calling God has for us, the enemy kicks himself into gear and comes after us with a vengeance. He keeps telling me, “oh, Lauren. You think you deserve to do this? You think you’re the type of person Jesus wants sharing His gospel? You think it’s ok to sit back and let these people tell you how ‘proud’ they are of you? They don’t know you. They don’t know the things you have done and the ways you have turned your back on Christ. There are so many people who are better fit for this task. Let them do it.”
Just last weekend I had a World Race shower and women showed up and loved on me and gave me gifts and told me how proud they were of me. I wanted to crawl into a corner, after shouting to them every dirty, nasty thing I have done and how I don’t deserve for them to even speak to me, much less tell me they are proud. But it is in those moments, when we really see ourselves for who we truly are at the core, that Jesus whispers “my grace is sufficient for YOU, Lauren. Even you.”
I am almost positive that everyone reading this has faced these very moments. When you feel like you are useless to Jesus and there is no way you can further the Kingdom. Like you are so undeserving of His love and grace that you want to yell at Him to please not even offer it because you can’t even stand yourself.
I am living, breathing proof that He loves us despite ourselves. I feel like the things I have done and the sins I have committed are 100% unforgivable, but yet He has chosen ME to go on an 11 month mission trip to bring His truth to the nations. “I’m sorry, Jesus, what?!? You want me? To do your work? But haven’t you seen what I have done?”
My grace is sufficient for you.
But I’ve been impure.
My grace is sufficient for you.
But I’ve placed you on a shelf so that I can go out and have fun with my friends and not have to feel guilt.
My grace is sufficient for you.
But, God, I’ve forsaken you and gone against your will for my life.
My grace is sufficient for you, Lauren. Even you. My power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
And His grace is sufficient for you, too.
P.S. THANK YOU to all who read my ramblings. And a huge THANK YOU to those who have and are giving! I am currently at $11,804!!!! I am BLOWN AWAY. Y’all are amazing!!! I still have about $4,500 left to raise, but God has more than shown His faithfulness and I know He will continue to provide!! Please keep sharing! Y’all are the BEST!
