When we’re babies, our lives are defined by the milestones we take. When we hold our head up, when we crawl, when we talk, and finally when we take our firsts steps. All of these things come right after another and they are the most exciting things that ever happened to our little baby selves. Those first steps quickly turn into walking, and then running, skipping and leaping, and eventually, parents have to get those little kid leashes to prevent us from going to far on our own.
Something changes after that, though. Walking becomes a normal thing. In fact, many people become exceptionally proficient at walking. We don’t think about it, we just place one foot in front of the other and with the right balance and coordination, we propel ourselves into the next place, and the next step follows shortly after.
So if walking and stepping and running are so natural, why is this next step so hard? Stepping into the unknown and away from comfort and friends and parents who fixed me food whenever I ask and tuck me into bed when I feel sad. Stepping off of American soil that will take me to places where I have never been and where I will be truly be considered a foreigner, and in some cases, an unwanted foreigner, as I’ll be spreading the Gospel of Christ.
It should just be one foot in front of the other, right? Yes and no. I feel like it should be just that, but instead, I’m taking a lot of baby steps. Those steps look a lot like fundraising and emailing Donald Trump for money (I know, I know, but can you blame me?), setting up a tent in my living room over Christmas break, meeting with church boards to explain my trip and SO MUCH MORE! I don’t know what to think or how to explain life much at the moment, but I do know that Jesus is doing something in my heart, and I think He’s taking it baby step by baby step before I take the leap.
When I think about moving forward in this journey, I’m again brought to those first steps a new born takes. They wobble. A lot. They tip over and fall and when you’re 12 months old, that’s really cute. It’s not so cute when you’re 212 months old and you’re still tripping and falling with your baby steps, but now, instead of my parents pulling me up off the ground, I rely on Jesus to build me back up. In Psalm 62, it repeats over and over and over again that the Lord is our rock and our stronghold, a fortress where we will not be shaken. That brings me such great comfort when my flesh can’t take one more step, which it often feels like in this season of life. But I keep going, and I lean into Him who is greater than I am.
Like a baby, I’m taking brand new steps, and this time, they’re taking me a little further. BUT… This time there is no leash. The world is mine for the taking, and His kingdom is currently building and this heart is yearning for this next step that is so close.
6 more months. 6 more American months before this child of the Lord is sent out to do His will. I may not be ready now, but when the time comes, I’m sure that with my fortress and my stronghold by my side, I’ll be ready to take that leap.
A side note for my parents:
These next steps that I’m taking are probably not as exciting and endearing to you as my first baby steps were. I get that. I sometimes wish to be put on those child leashes so that I could stay in the comfort of your love for just a bit longer. But who am I to argue with what the Lord has called me to do? You picked up a baby from her wobbliness and that baby turned into a woman who still wobbles… Let me wobble. Let me fall. It’s okay. Know that the same Father who’s gotten you this far, will carry me, too. Our Father, who cares so deeply for the wildflowers, will surely care for me, your wobbly little girl who loves you so.
