We flew from Nairobi, Kenya to Instanbul Turkey, and finally to New York, USA. The customs man stamped my passport, said “welcome home,” and there I was-back in my home country feeling like the last 11 months were a dream. I stayed one night in NY to rest a little and then flew back to Arizona the following day. I was greeted by my sweet family, we ate In N Out Burger (as is the tradition when people fly home from traveling anywhere), and then I was home in the house I had grown up in. It has literally felt like I have been gone for a weekend and I am visiting my parent’s house for a short time before going back to my house in Tucson. The reality is that the past year did happen and along with that, the Lord made huge transformations in my heart. The weird part of being home is that it’s not weird at all. I came back and fell into old routines and became comfortable quickly. It was easy, just like I told our leaders at final debrief that it would be. The thing I’m realizing is that I no longer enjoy easy. The hardest part about being home is that it is easy and I am comfortable. I am thankful for a smooth transition, but it doesn’t reflect the things the Lord has done in the past year. I don’t want to react the same way; I don’t want to be seen in the same way.
I have been seeing old sin in me that I am already sick of, not in a self-condemning way, but because I know the glory of my Father and the standard He set before me. I tried a new church today and was wrecked in a wonderful way while there. It didn’t have to do with the people there, it didn’t have to do with the pastor, or even the worship, though I enjoyed all of that. It had to do with the words to a song we sang at the end of the service. It was a story from the Bible put to song and it played on my heart strings as I realized how much I hated my own sin and how much the Lord has to offer if we are willing to walk forward in faith. It also had me thinking of numerous people around me who are going through some hard things right now and just need to reach out to the One who comforts and know that He offers life abundant. The words were simple and went like this:
Oh my Savior, I need healing
Someone to stop the bleeding, I need You.
Oh my Savior, I am weary
But I can feel the glory, it’s coming from You.
Let Your shadow fall on me
I’m convinced, I believe You can heal me
With just a touch from the edge of Your robe.
Oh my Savior, You are holy
Your ways are above me, but still You’re with me now
Oh my Savior, You’re one with the Father
The dust that You walked on is sacred ground.
Let Your shadow fall on me
I’m convinced, I believe You can heal me
With just a touch from the edge of Your robe.
Just the edge, just the edge
Just the edge of Your robe.
The song is speaking of the story in Matthew 9:19-21 where the woman who had been suffering physically for 12 years saw Jesus walking through the crowd and knew it was her opportunity to be healed. Jesus was on His way to heal someone’s daughter and I can imagine she didn’t want to bother Him, but knew the power He possessed. She reached out her hand in faith and touched the edge of His robe. Jesus felt power leave Him and turned to point out the woman in the crowd. He looked into her eyes and said, “Take heart, daughter, your faith has made you well.”
She was desperate. She knew He had something she wanted, but ultimately, it had little to do with the healing and more to do with knowing that Christ loved her. She went on a limb and touched His robe thinking what she wanted could be achieved with a simple act of faith. What she received was so much more. Jesus wasn’t satisfied that she was just physically healed, He turned around and made sure she knew she was seen. Jesus didn’t throw her rags, He looked her in the eyes and spoke to her heart, letting her know she was seen and loved and valued. Jesus and the woman didn’t exchange words until He turned to look at her. She was healed before she opened her mouth and explained her plea. Even when we don’t know the words to say to our Father, He hears the heart behind it. Even in our needs, when words fail, we can still grab His robe and feel His love.
Often, we are the people in the crowd, annoyed that Jesus is stopping for people we don’t think deserve His time as much as we do. Or, we are the people who think we aren’t worth the time (or whatever the reason) and we reach for the robe, when He wants to reach for our heart.
The Lord spoke to me: when you get to these places, have faith to grab my robe, but be prepared for abundance. I don’t just want to see you healed, I want all of you.
